Chapter 32 - Love Like Forgetting Important Things
I came back a few days later. I forgot to come back to draw Kara the next day. How did one draw someone who has been a hero all her life past her prime? I did not intend to mean it disparagingly. I have always seen Kara as the badass girl who jumped between worlds to heal them. She even worked with the creatures that fed on the chaos she prevented. In that way, she tamed them, turned them into a different sort of being. When I saw her now, in love with Lila, and happy even, I was speechless in terms of picturing her.
There was one scene I wanted to draw of her. It was back when both Lila and Kara were in bed, Tarne between them in a lovely symmetry. I kept it in my head, but that was not the standard Kara moment. The classic for her was stirring up trouble for a good cause. I always saw her amidst a battle, both elated and focused. My drawing could not capture that yet.
I entered the library in my form, but found it empty. With a check upstairs and the garden, I proceeded to the attic to find them slow-dancing in a dim blue light lazily crawling over the scene. Tarne was tuckered out in the corner of the room, sleeping in an impromptu bed.
Instinctively, I made myself invisible not to break the lovely moment Lila and Kara were having. I wanted to leave them be, but instead just put some music on in my reality as they shifted around from one foot to the other. Kara deserved this life after all I put her through. When this place got reduced back to the building blocks of existence, I would miss being witness to these moments.
Rather than bother them, I passed through the floor back to the main library. There, on a bookshelf, awaited the invisible device left behind by an old friend of mine. Her name still wavered over my mind, recalling the times we spent in the darkness between here and the Infinity Void. I was only seeking help, for my mental instability, for help getting healthy, but it turned into so much more. Too much more. I missed Rebecca. This fragment of her of prerecorded responses to words and phrases spoken was a nice way to keep the memories alive, and in a way torture me.
The device was in my hands, an invisible man holding an invisible object. I considered snapping it in two, again. I wanted to draw her, but was there a point? Did she have to be captured by an amateur artist on paper to live in my reality? She was still a part of me, whether I liked it or not. Instead, I sat down at the desk and opened it. There was the desktop, with a few folders of notes that she wrote as completion of the adventures in the flying library. I did not know what to say to call her out. I could have said the few phrases I already knew, but it felt stupid to call her out again for a rerun.
“I’m ready to let you go, Rebecca,” I said. There was no response. Maybe she never thought it through that far. “Come what may.”
“Seize the life, Jack,” she replied, from the screen. I burst out with tears in my reality and the library at the sound of her voice, ever magnified by an emotional song playing in my ears. It was “Trying My Best” by Anson Seabra, and it felt a bit too perfectly timed. There she was again, on the screen, smiling. I wanted to remember her like that forever, not corrupted by all that was me. I hesitated one more time, before hovering the device in the air of the library, and atomizing it to dust flickering like glitter into the air of the library.
“So you are no more, my love,”
“Rebecca, the kind,”
“A measure of true freedom.”
With that, I left a note for Kara apologizing that I did not stop by to draw her. Maybe one day I would be able to capture the badass that she was for the many worlds she helped, and the worlds she was still helping as clones. I never did find out what happened to Johnny eventually, the son I mistakenly gave to Kara. I would ask her when I came around again, but who knew when that would be?
break
I was back the next day, almost without a reason. As much as I wanted to tell Lila and Kara about the invisible laptop, it meant more to me than it would to them. For the most of time writing this, and before, I was still thinking back to Rebecca. I was locked away in my mind because of how I failed her, and failed to open up for the help I needed. I was too entertained by interacting with her to be selfish. In the end, she was left to adventure by herself, split into a divide of ten because I would not be there to spend time with her. Enough about the past.
When I entered the library, Lila and Kara were kissing. Kara sat on the desk, with Lila hungrily pressing herself up against the knees protruding.
“Sorry,” I said, before they fully got into it.
“For fuck’s sake, Jack!” Kara exclaimed. “Tarne is finally down. You have bad timing. Come back in a few hours.”
“Oh?” Lila asked. “Is that how long it takes to get your engine going?”
“Advanced age isn’t kind.”
“You’re such a granny,” Lila said, then matched Kara’s visible age.
“Still as beautiful.”
“You flatter me.”
“Ok, I’m gonna go,” I said.
“No, wait,” Lila said, running up to hold onto my hand. “As much as Kay doesn’t want you anywhere close to her sexual life, you’re a part of this. Not to the threesome point… right?” She looked at Kara for a moment questioning it. The response was a sigh. “But you are important to this, Jack.”
“It’s ok,” I said. “I’m ok being the weird uncle that sometimes stops by. I love that you two are living here, worry free, raising Tarne, but I also know that this place will one day cease to exist. I think… I’m fine with that.”
“Is everything ok?” Lila asked, suddenly concerned. “You’re looking so… like you’re giving up?”
“No, no, I’m not,” I replied, then hugged her. “I vaporized Rebecca’s laptop. It was time. I moved past a part of my past. Just like she helped me move past another part, and Finnelgamin also. I think I’m moving forward, and in doing so I think it’s time to start writing stuff again. Other stuff. Something to publish, to share with the world.”
Lila said nothing, only held me tightly for a full minute. I liked to imagine she had a scent like the star, but that part of my life was over. Even though I was not physically there, I still felt warm from that pressure and closeness. Something of my brain seized on the imagination overdrive to get me closer to Lila. I had to seek that in my reality, human contact.
“I’m glad,” Lila said, letting go of the hug. “The world is yours. Conquer.”
“I’d be fine with just finding a comfortable corner for myself to exist in,” I said.
“Ok, then shoo,” Kara said.
“Just one more question for you, actually,” I said. “Whatever happened to Akier Vil Moredo?” Kara looked puzzled.
“Who?”
“Akier…” I said. “The main baddie in the Infinity Void? You’re… He put your old man into the gem and tossed him into the Infinity Void. Remember? He used to be best friends with the old man, but then they parted ways. I mean- He kidnapped your son, Johnny. You remember little Johnny, don’t you?”
“Of course I remember my son,” Kara said. “The son you created because you didn’t know how birds copulate. He was never kidnapped. I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jack.” I felt a weird sense of dread, which really sucked seeing as I was just so relaxed after destroying Rebecca’s laptop. Everything was going right, so this had to happen.
“Jack?” Lila asked. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I replied.
“Who’s Akier Vil Moredo?” She followed up. A shiver ran across my back in my reality. I did not want to go back. I did not want to read through Rebecca again to show them what happened back then. I ALSO did not want to leave them with Rebecca’s story alone. Far too much in that put me in a terrible light.
“Nobody,” I said. “Don’t worry about it.” But I would worry for all three of us. “Here.” I motioned a hand over the stairs, adding an intercom panel.
“If you ever need me,” I said. “Just buzz me. I’ll connect this intercom here to my reality. I may not always be able to drop everything and get here, but I will get back to you as soon as possible.” I looked at Lila. She was still concerned, and the fact that Kara did not look at all worried about not remembering that one man who was very clearly aggressive toward her. I had an idea as to what happened, but it would have been a far too unlikely event. I still hoped that wasn't what I thought it was.
“Don’t worry,” I said, smiled, then kissed Lila on the cheek. “You two rev your engines, and call if anything comes up.” I had a bad premonition, but shook it off. “Anything. Ok?” Lila nodded hesitantly, but Kara was in a world of her own. Something about having that name mentioned made her aloof. It was strange. I turned on the spot, and vanished.
Now outside, just sitting at the device, I worried. I wanted to write other things, focus on creating something for people to read, something with an idea that breathes for others, that hopes for more, for greatness. Not for selfish reasons, but to entertain and educate. There have not been issues so far. If something came up, they could just buzz me. I hoped they would never have a reason to ever use that intercom.
Comments
Post a Comment