A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

I came back the next day, from a downpour of rain outside that cooled my mind down. It felt like I put obstacles in front of myself just to trip over them, but this was at an end. If anything, I wanted Kara to be happy again. Maybe I could even reverse Tarne growing up inside Garr. Kara and Lila could head off into the other worlds with child Tarne, living on the run from the Rahin. I would be a decoy in that scenario, allowing the destruction of this space, which I knew was coming anyways. Waiting to die was a truly depressing way to live. Even after I promised Rebecca I would seek happiness. Part of me never trusted her, or rather the Rebecca on the computer screen who told me she went to talk to Alexander Virtu. It did not matter. Lila’s and Kara’s happiness was paramount. I appeared in the library out of a puff of smoke to find it empty. My antics were wasted. I walked up the stairs to see if Kara and Lila were still at Tarne’s bedside. When I reached the top step, the door to the ...

I came back two days later after re-reading the beginning when I met Lila. She posed as a kid on a time-out for “bullying her brother”. Not knowing what she really did would have been better, but there was no taking that reveal back. We were both monsters in the end, but even those deserve some kind of comfort in the eyes of those who pose themselves as better. For some reason, I entered the library through the garden, and was very surprised to find Tarne there. She was sitting alone in the lush green, facing away, one hand propping her back up on the rock. I walked up, but paused when she made a specific sound. Without warning, beast made my body invisible just as her back arched, casting her gaze towards where I stood. Her face was contorted in euphoria, content in privacy of the garden while too obviously masturbating. I wanted to say something, but beast held me rooted to the ground, invisible. His cage was gone, no bindings holding him back. I put out a hand in my mind, and wore h...

The next day at coffee, I visited the spawn chamber again. Though some parts of the story remained untold, I was not interested in telling them. Her story ended, however vaguely. I wanted to know what they talked about at the meeting of all the beings in Rebecca’s universe. I wondered just how many of the video messages she left for me, but the laptop was an immortal object of the room, like the size of it and place in space. The best course of action was to call out phrases and words that might trigger those video messages. This made me wonder if Rebecca, or more possibly Crimmy, recorded any sexual videos for me. It had to have crossed her mind, though I chose to try something else first. “Did you leave because you were angry at me?” I asked, but nothing played. Maybe that was too complex. “You left.” With that, she appeared on the screen alone with a serious look. “I know you’ll try to blame yourself for my departure, but stop being so selfish,” she said. “It wasn’t Finn’s idea or...

Fiona was still around, but rather than meet with her I brought out some pictures I took of her glorious nudity on my archaic smartphone . I felt the imitated penis harden, but after a few minutes of pumping and stroking, I was getting nowhere. If I was no longer human why would Doc make such a detailed human body for me? “Can’t get off to my naked pics?” Fiona asked from behind me. I turned to her before realizing that she was naked. She guided my erection into herself without another word. “Bite my skin open, and I’ll bite yours, then we suck to get off. It’s like a forced release.” Her teeth broke my skin as pleasure flooded my system. In a way, this felt like sex, but was nowhere close. I missed the sweat, dirt, her scent, and all the things a human enjoyed being exposed to. When we were done, I pulled out the useless piece of flesh from within her human skin. She still had the same smell, but it didn’t impact my nose or brain the same. I ventured below to taste-test the candy gel...

The small black spot in visible white space was motionless until it exploded to encase me. It was a sort of tunnel that reminded me of the Dream Vestibule that Ernie took me into. Whatever happened to that guy? He was fun. He also mentioned JJ. Was that the flawless shroud , or the person who made that invisible cloak ? Did Ernie age out of his human skin? Was he a full Garavand now? Maybe I’d meet him later. The tunnel snapped shut around me until I was standing beside Fiona again in some virtual ‘scape of a tropical island. “What took you so long?” she asked. “Fear, mostly,” I replied. “Where are we?” “A virtual realism ‘scape,” she said. “One of the few Japanese islands that is not underwater yet. They just accepted that their country will eventually sink even with the desalination nation pulling water out, and began waterproofing everything. Now they have buildings half-underwater that sway with every tsunami and can operate like ships. Smart people adapt to unforgiving natu...

“What about Fil ?” I asked. “Oh, well, you’ve been under for a few hundred years,” Fiona said. For some reason, that did not bother me. The generation I lived in was dead. I only wondered what became of the world. “ Filigare lived for about forty years among the humans before he aged out to be a Zaxi . Now we’re a full family of stars, but to the cluster we’d be a scandal, so we’ll probably be outcasts for a bit.” “Why a scandal?” I asked. “Aside from both you and our son being born as lowly humans?” Fiona asked. “I don’t mean I think they’re lowly. The cluster leaders think anyone who feeds from Zaxients is below them. “In Zaxi terms, you’re a baby, Fil is also a baby, and I’m still pretty young. I think Doc will be in the most trouble if they could ever catch him. He’s definitely not authorized to turn humans into my kind, but I’m glad the experiment succeeded. There is an energy I feel from you that is so rare. Only my parental clusters made that energy at the start.” “Maybe tha...