A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

If there were foreboding signs on that morning, I missed them. I hardly paid attention to where I was going at the time, but I do not credit the mistake to the way my mind operates during the week. I had no coffee that morning, rushing into the office after a betrayal of my phone. It died during the night, reminding me to feed it as I danced in my REM cycles. It was too late in the morning to give it any juice, and it set the precedent for the rest of the morning. At the very least, the train was on time, filled with people rushing about in the same huff, but they were just going about their day. They had nary an inkling of what was about to happen, and where I’d end up. I got out of the subterranean system of machinery and considered grabbing a quick coffee at the corner cart. No. I’d get some of the machine-brewed corporate-provided darkness-in-a-cup instead, or so I thought. There, in the lobby was a guy right about my age, perhaps younger. Not a bad looking face and hair, just a li...

“I’m in love with you right now, it’s not even funny,” she said. Her hand touched my shoulder and she leaned close to whisper. “Anything you want, just tell me.” Saliva built in my mouth. It’s been a while since I ate, and she proved to be an especially difficult girl to unlock. The waiting improved the appetite, but wait too long and you die. I needed to survive. Her name was Samantha, a very basic name for very basic person. Human characteristics blended together when I was acting out of love. Samantha had been marinating in pheromones of joy for a week now. I have to be patient as she fully blossomed in love, enriching the threshold of flavors. It was a cruel game, but it was about my survival. She will live on after I fed, yet it would be a lonely existence, if I was to eat her heart. “Come closer,” I said. My mouth watered. No matter how many times I tried to starve myself, I ended up feeding again. My mom told me repeatedly that it wasn’t a burden, but a blessing. How did she man...

When I awoke, I was nearly covered up by snow. It resisted soaking into my clothes because of the cold, and my skin felt like stone. I did not know why I was sleeping outside, but I could not recall much of where I had been before going to sleep. I knew but two things, my name, and the name of my trusted sword. ”My beloved, lend me your strength,” I spoke, trying to brace the cold threatening my life. I pushed my being into my arms, feeling the heart pounding in desperation. When it got to my hands, the energy of my body shared itself with the steel, casting alight in the namesake. “Nastu no Atsusa.” The outpost of heat from the blade huddled my body around it, keeping a stance of my arms tightened to channel energy into it that warmed beside me. It felt less to me like the summer heat the sword was named after, and more like a hot iron bar that could burn me if I was not careful. It melted some snow around me, and I could stand, still sinking into the packed snow below. The first thin...