A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

I had not been back to the library in close to a month. Even before, I saw happiness and left them to it. I did not want to interrupt Kara’s happiness, nor that of Lila and Tarne. Yet I sat at the little device again, continuously broken by stresses of everyday life, living in a temporary location that I could not call a home, and working in a toxic environment. I needed a change, or a chance for something else. The strings that held my life together in the metal metropolis were tearing apart. I had to escape before I fell apart. I appeared within the library in silence, only looking up toward the golden arched ceiling. I did not look around or move for a while. The golden paintings of godlike figures shifted around to depict a miniature story. There was a woman clothed in a billowy golden dress running through a barren wood. On her heel, two lions pulled a cart with a mustached man holding a whip. She took refuge in a golden hut by a blue lake, in the small patch of forest green, whit...

I had not returned in weeks. Why bother? Kara and Lila were happy with Tarne. I was the third wheel, fourth now. I was back for a specific reason, but had a feeling I would not be able to complete my goal. For the sake of remembering Lila, I wanted to draw her. I had been drawing things, since I did not know anyone who could help me illustrate things in my writing. I would have to be able to put my ideas on paper myself, in more than just description. I still sucked at describing things. My mind sourced my words on things I have seen, which differed person to person. To appeal to mass populace, writers often used long-winded descriptions based on common life objects that anyone with an ounce of imagination could picture. I just could not patchwork it all to make sense, but drawing would help me with that. When I arrived at the space created from the remnant of Rebecca’s domain, I found the library empty. The upstairs and the attic were equally still. I even knocked at the door to the b...

“I’m in love with you right now, it’s not even funny,” she said. Her hand touched my shoulder and she leaned close to whisper. “Anything you want, just tell me.” Saliva built in my mouth. It’s been a while since I ate, and she proved to be an especially difficult girl to unlock. The waiting improved the appetite, but wait too long and you die. I needed to survive. Her name was Samantha, a very basic name for very basic person. Human characteristics blended together when I was acting out of love. Samantha had been marinating in pheromones of joy for a week now. I have to be patient as she fully blossomed in love, enriching the threshold of flavors. It was a cruel game, but it was about my survival. She will live on after I fed, yet it would be a lonely existence, if I was to eat her heart. “Come closer,” I said. My mouth watered. No matter how many times I tried to starve myself, I ended up feeding again. My mom told me repeatedly that it wasn’t a burden, but a blessing. How did she man...