A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

When I came back the next day, Rebecca was sitting in the library at the desk while feeding Finn the mouse some snacks. I hesitated creating a form. She wanted me to relive past insanity and tell her of the mistakes I’ve made when dealing with Finn’s development. Granted, Finn arrived into my mind knowing full well what he was. He had influence over my mind, and thus exposed my thoughts when I talked to him in the story. I sat drinking coffee again, with Rebecca’s notebook, and the first notebook of Finnelgamin. What could this accomplish? “Jack?” Rebecca asked of the room. Perhaps she timed when I’d be back based on the time my work started. For all she knew, I was stuck in the commute, or didn’t have time to write with her this morning. As if to respond to my thoughts, she met my eyes so sure of herself that I had to check I was still invisible. “I know that you’re already here. It’s this kind of electric feeling in the air I’ve felt once or twice when I was alone. At first, I just ...

I came back at the end of the day. After checking in on Rebecca, who was sleeping on the hammock outside, I created a form and entered the house to find the terrible trio, my mind of the past. For them, time stood still. In fact, time was still frozen around the house. The clock on the wall wasn’t ticking time anymore. It felt calming to be outside of time, even if only in my mind. This was a space where I could pretend I had no expiration date, there was nothing to keep me disciplined. I had no age, no rules to follow with regards to time. And yet, this escape was only created TO escape the predicament of Finnelgamin. I needed JJ to figure out how to get rid of him. Before that, a predicament of the outside world pulled me away once again. break At the start of a new day, I came back to an opportune spot of the real world, and yet the surroundings seemed to be screaming at me not to do this. I could only turn up my music and proceed into the place where time stood still, where the l...

When I returned the following day, Rebecca was sitting on the couch in her brand new living room, holding the ukulele in playing position, but making no sound. Before saying anything, I created myself a form and knocked at the entrance to the living room. In realization of my visit, Rebecca jumped up and nearly tackled me to the ground with a hug. I wasn’t sure where she got the idea that hugging was something to do when happy. It could have been my personality seeping through, but I avoided physical contact in real life. Maybe I created my form too real for her, and the comfort of warmth and skin contact was obvious to her. “Hi, Rebecca,” I said. “I’m sorry I’ve been away for a few days.” She squeezed tighter. “It’s ok,” she said. “You must have been working on all of this somehow, this beautiful place. I’m so happy for this gift, Jack, and I have many questions.” We parted as I watched her eyes reflecting daylight pouring in. It made her ever more beautiful. Surprisingly enough, be...

Notebook 1 “This is stupid, isn’t it?” I asked of something without form. #For now,# I thought. It had no voice, no thought. I sought a shell in the void, something, someone who could be what I needed. Was it human? I’ve told myself many times that I had no need for someone like me, to like me, be with me. They would only be in danger by association, prey to the beast lurking within my mind. No. This was different. My mind did not fracture to contain it. It would not be within my head, only reach my mind once in a while for my betterment. I sought salvation from the void, help from something, someone that I could not hurt as I am. Before long, I heard something in the dark. “Hello?” It asked, a voice of no discernible source, of no discernible gender. “Is someone there?” I hesitated at the response, surprised to hear someone answer my call. It was MY call that brought it here. I had to say something. “Hello,” I said. “I am here.” “What is this?” It asked. “Where am I? How did ...