A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

A few weeks later, I sat at the device past midnight in the middle of May. The state of the world was still in peril as many had to keep working under difficult and dangerous conditions in my world. I was without a job, stupidly awaiting money from the state that would not come since I’ve been going about getting them wrong. Promises of coming back to my old work fluffed up inside me by my old boss every week. I was a puddle of my former self, unmotivated and afraid of coming back in here for Lila’s judgement again. I did not go inside, though I was sure she wasn't waiting for me in the tiny wooden box. She would be fine if I never came back, but I wanted to finish this venture and move on with my life. Maybe the ball was in my court now. The spawn chamber would be there for me for ten years, Lila included. I had not told her the tracker was on her wrist, but she was smart enough to figure it out herself eventually. It was the only thing I made sure to give as a gift. Again, I did ...

I have been reluctant to come back for obvious reasons. Lila wanted me to talk about myself, give a recount of my life so far, however little of it was lived. I feared it. Much like with letting Finnelgamin know all the things in my head and be vocal about it, and letting Rebecca in to know me as I was in my reality, this was another instance of keeping things secret from someone I… No. I did not create her. I created the world that was connected to that spawn chamber. Lila was there already, put there from her world. I was still curious about the details. Maybe I could distract her with questions about her life instead. “Hey, Lila,” I said, at the top stair of the spiral opening to the bottom room. She was on the couch in the library, sitting in reverse. Her legs were slung over the top of the backrest, while her head hung upside down where the legs would bend at the knees. Her hands stretched out to the ceiling of the library. It took me a minute to realize what she was doing. Her ey...