A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

If there were foreboding signs on that morning, I missed them. I hardly paid attention to where I was going at the time, but I do not credit the mistake to the way my mind operates during the week. I had no coffee that morning, rushing into the office after a betrayal of my phone. It died during the night, reminding me to feed it as I danced in my REM cycles. It was too late in the morning to give it any juice, and it set the precedent for the rest of the morning. At the very least, the train was on time, filled with people rushing about in the same huff, but they were just going about their day. They had nary an inkling of what was about to happen, and where I’d end up. I got out of the subterranean system of machinery and considered grabbing a quick coffee at the corner cart. No. I’d get some of the machine-brewed corporate-provided darkness-in-a-cup instead, or so I thought. There, in the lobby was a guy right about my age, perhaps younger. Not a bad looking face and hair, just a li...

I came back on Monday, sitting at the same table I was at on Thursday. On Friday, I opted to start work early and do some extra stats work that I enjoyed to the tune of new music I loaded onto my phone. The multitude of old music felt great for nostalgia, but I found myself skipping some old songs to hear the more recent ones. I would have to go through the whole list and pluck the weeds out. The whole “wearing beast like a cloak” was vivid in my mind, and I found myself wondering what made me think I had made peace with desire. It was a hesitant thought, disappearing the more I attempted to recall it. I put it out of my mind for the time being. For some reason, I was not afraid that I would lose this space, and the freedoms it allowed. I was not overweight here, did not have to be tall, did not even have to be male. I could be any kind of being I could imagine. I could even be a dragon for a day. And so, I decided to be one. When I entered the library, I was still human. It was empty....

When I came back to the room, it was empty. The invisible laptop stood open on the table. It was best to keep it tucked away somewhere even if it had infinite battery life. I walked around the small enclosure and wondered if Lila ventured out into the darkness beyond the wooden cage. I turned the walls see-through for a moment to see if I can spot them, but in turn was overcome by something new. My mind instantly ventured to Rebecca, but it could not be her. A distant light illuminated in the “sky” the entrance to a cave on the beach. I knew this place. Everything else around was still dark. It was a scene ripped right out of the story, recreated by Lila. I hesitated at the top hatch. Could I get outside and interact with the things created in the blank space? I climbed out onto the sand supported by nothing. The gradient of those tiny grains faded to the dark, as if supported by a black cloud. It allowed my weight, behaving as if it was real sand. “Lila?” I called out into the scene. ...