A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

“Hi, Lila,” I said. To catch up, the story had been going inside my brain without you. I needed to find a way to communicate with Lila, so I popped a board that displays my words in the library. From then we discussed being able to free myself from Tarne, the child she gave birth to, which was actually me. For the best part of a week I had been stopping by to create something, any little thing with creationism that I could muster. At first, it was a tower atop the library and a flying vehicle that docked there much like my dream. Due to that creating a very real migraine in my reality, I stopped creating things until Lila dragged me in from a dream and told me that I had to keep trying, no matter how small. Next I created a thumbtack, then a nail, then a ball, then I brought forth a car into the library. Lastly, Lila asked me if I was ok, and not wanting to worry her I told her I was. The message displayed as green light on the message board, making her turn to see it. She did not repl...

I had been trying really hard to have something else going on during my nights, to avoid coming back there again. I had no control over my body, no freedom of creationism I often escaped into. I was no longer a god of a tiny universe left behind following Rebecca’s escape. Whenever I came back now, I would be a passenger to the child named Tarne, a girl that I wanted to be deep down. Maybe that kept me coming back, the possibility to feel that I was born correctly. In reality, I bought female yoga underwear, and whenever I felt I deserved to, I would clean my body with perfumed soap and wear the pink softness. They were a prize I have not felt worthy of lately. I kept them sealed in an airtight plastic bag to keep brand new and fresh. I knew if they somehow got dirty, I could not possibly bring them to the laundry. They lived one life for a person hidden away within a fake world inside his head. I arrived as Tarne again to a sight I did not expect. Lila was entirely naked, legs spread ...