A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

I came back reluctantly, at odds with myself. My mind wavered between a blissful ignorance of the world going to shit and the stark panic that tortured my sleep. Maybe it was something else that tortured my sleep. I wanted it to be Garavand, in the dark of the room shifting me awake in the middle of the night as a joke to keep me tired, but it was far more likely to be some mouse looking for food in the winter times. Otherwise, it was my stressed mind, wondering what I could do to make enough money to keep a roof over my head in the coming months. Here I was again, at the device for entertainment, for work, just writing of my own insanity Part 3. I wanted it to be the final part, but seeing as Lila would be with me for years of my life, I felt this final arbitration of me would not be wrapped up here. Not to mention that I was still a part of Tarne, Lila’s child. I had to figure out a way to exist apart from her, though I had a feeling that I would always somehow exist within the confi...

A few weeks later, I sat at the device past midnight in the middle of May. The state of the world was still in peril as many had to keep working under difficult and dangerous conditions in my world. I was without a job, stupidly awaiting money from the state that would not come since I’ve been going about getting them wrong. Promises of coming back to my old work fluffed up inside me by my old boss every week. I was a puddle of my former self, unmotivated and afraid of coming back in here for Lila’s judgement again. I did not go inside, though I was sure she wasn't waiting for me in the tiny wooden box. She would be fine if I never came back, but I wanted to finish this venture and move on with my life. Maybe the ball was in my court now. The spawn chamber would be there for me for ten years, Lila included. I had not told her the tracker was on her wrist, but she was smart enough to figure it out herself eventually. It was the only thing I made sure to give as a gift. Again, I did ...