A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

I came back the next day, looking into the untethered space now gray before entering. It extended as far as I could see, and felt endless. I was sure what I created here was a tiny blip within the whole of raw existence. It was impossible to change the space because it was the building material for everything that ended up in the Infinity Void. What I made here was a tumor. I burst forth my reality core, ballooning it as far as it could go within the darkness. I've had enough of the darkness. I entered the library to a fanfare, a vibration of air with sound. It felt as though it was bellowed by a giant horn somewhere. I touched down on the floor of the library, welcomed by Lila. She ran up and jumped into my arms, almost comically. Tarne came over to put her hand on my shoulder. Kara remained at the desk. “Hey,” I said, sounding strangely feminine. I inspected my body to find myself still female as before. I looked up with an excited grin. “I’m still a woman.” “Yeah,” Kara said. “A...

…everyone. Fyntn was by my side, looking depressed with his ears sagging to the floor. His eyes churned with gold, which dripped down and splashed on the floor, solidifying in a splash of that bright yellow precious metal. Lila was standing with Kara, hands clasped together looking up to the missing ceiling. Above was a wriggling dark, only illuminated by the light the library gave. “Why did you come back?” Fyntn asked. “I tried to save you. I tried to get you back to your world. Why did you come back, Jack?” I held his hand, watching a gold tear fall onto my hand and scorch it as the gold solidified before I could pry it off. The heat seared off the top layers of skin already, pulling like strings that would hurt in reality. I was only glad I could not feel this pain. “You didn’t answer my question,” I said, and shrugged with a smile. “That was stupid,” he said, but his mouth formed a subtle smile in response. “Tarne is—“ “Somewhere in there, right?” I asked, pointing to the wriggling...

I came back a few days later, after trying to keep my attention on other things. Knowing more proved to be a step into madness I was not prepared for. Ideas still stopped by from the Infinity Void, most as I was trying to sleep. Some were X-rated, themed to the various stimuli I encountered on a daily basis. Others were stories that I would have liked to delve into, had I not been torn apart into other things from music to worrying about my future and the futility of my dreams in the changing world of a global pandemic. “Hello?” I asked in the emptiness of the library. The space was too big for just one person, even for two unless they had a lot on their minds. In reality this space was the common area of a library for a whole slew of students. While there, I read books of many stories I have now forgotten, though moments of romance and sexuality of them all remained seared to the back of my skull. One particular description of a girl masturbating excited me the most, as I marveled how...

I came back on September 12th of the nightmare year 2020. I did not feel like thinking, only talking. I had put off seeing Lila for a long time, about two weeks. To her, in the darkest space no longer dark, it must have felt longer. “Hey,” I said, walking into the library I recreated in the network of creationism infected vines of the untethered space. The empty space welcomed me. I sat down on the brown suede couch, to the groan of wood under my frame. The quarantine had not been kind to me, or it was me who was not kind. Everything groaned out in annoyance of me in reality, but such realism did not have to exist here. With a flex of my fist, I not only slimmed out, but changed genders. Almost instantly, tears started escaping my eyes in reality. It took a minute or so, but I calmed down. It was so simple here, to be someone else. My reality was not so easy. Even if for a moment, I was not heavy, nor was I driven by any stray sexual thought. I had written Rebecca that way, or Crimmy a...