Chapter 16 - Fourth Wall? More Like Seventh!
I came back on September 12th of the nightmare year 2020. I did not feel like thinking, only talking. I had put off seeing Lila for a long time, about two weeks. To her, in the darkest space no longer dark, it must have felt longer.
“Hey,” I said, walking into the library I recreated in the network of creationism infected vines of the untethered space. The empty space welcomed me. I sat down on the brown suede couch, to the groan of wood under my frame. The quarantine had not been kind to me, or it was me who was not kind. Everything groaned out in annoyance of me in reality, but such realism did not have to exist here. With a flex of my fist, I not only slimmed out, but changed genders. Almost instantly, tears started escaping my eyes in reality.
It took a minute or so, but I calmed down. It was so simple here, to be someone else. My reality was not so easy. Even if for a moment, I was not heavy, nor was I driven by any stray sexual thought. I had written Rebecca that way, or Crimmy at least, beast of her divided mind.
“Oh!” A voice exclaimed to my side. “Hello.” It was Lila, in a teen form. She circled at a safe distance in caution. My hair was the auburn I have always admired, cut to my short preference. I did not choose giant breasts, nor flat. It was a comfortable middle, though it was strange to have such a thought in this body. I felt the skin on my wrist, soft to uncalloused hands. I always admired softness for the amount of tending it required.
“Hello,” I said, noticing my voice was different. It was new, more pleasant than mine. Keeping away from people, I was not around everything I occupied for this fraction of time uncounted. “So you’re Lila. Jack has told me a bit about you.” Lila opened her eyes wider.
“And you are?”
“My name’s…” I hesitated. The first name that jumped out at me was Rebecca, but I shook it off. There was Rebecca, and Lila had seen what she looked like. “Natalie. Nice to meet you, Lila.” She still hesitated.
“How are you here though?” She asked. “This space is… untethered. Wait. Did he… He didn’t create you, did he?”
“Yes,” I said. “He brought me to life.” I felt a lurch backwards. I was no longer in the body, but still had full control over it. I was a puppeteer now, but I reeled myself back in. I wanted to inhabit the body. Lila put a hand to her forehead.
“He shouldn’t have done that,” Lila said. “Damnit, Jack! They’ll hunt you down, you stupid… dumbass!” Lila looked up. As much comfort as the charade was, I needed to stop pretending for now, just to calm her down. Before that, I slipped a hand down into my underwear for just a moment, finding an opening much to my elation. With that, I grasped at the air, and unclenched back into my large frame, much to the annoyed groan of wood.
“Lila, it’s me,” I said. “I was just… I… I don’t know what I was doing really.”
“Jack, what the fuck?” Lila exclaimed. “I thought you did it again! Fuck!”
“Who exactly would hunt me down, Lila?” I asked, erasing the heaviness of my body to be free from the troubles of my reality.
“Did I… did I say that?”
“Yeah.”
“Umm, well,” Lila said, turning around from my eyes. “There is… there is more to the story of that one guy who was nothing when he arrived. They told me not to say anything.”
“Who?”
“Who do you think?” Lila said, meeting my eyes just barely. “The Rahin.”
“Oh, them,” I said. “They’re full of it.”
“They inspected the situation,” she said. “They confirmed my situation was not created by you, nor was my life. The nothingness person was actually somebody they erased from existence, just like they threatened to do to you.”
“But you aren’t my creation,” I said. “You’re just a liar who was put here because you did some horrible things in your reality. What was it? Huh? Did you kill someone? You’re not a kid, that I know for sure.”
“That I am not,” she said. “But wasn’t it nice to pretend? Beast sure enjoyed the conflicting thoughts you felt, and the restraint you’ve shown. I, much like you just now, only wanted to be who I was comfortable as. I never wanted to grow up, and my mind never did. That’s part of the problem for me. What about you, Jack?”
“I am just starved for interaction with other humans,” I said, “That’s the only reason I thought to be the center of attention for a moment, in a safe environment, the beauty in the room, a flower in the swamp.”
“You don’t even know how much women have to go through to exist,” Lila said. “You don’t know how it is to live afraid of those hiding in the darkness because of that center of attention. A flower is coveted by many, and they are often plucked to be enjoyed for a fleeting moment, then cast aside. Beauty is hell. It’s safer to hide away, to pretend to be someone else. Nobody reaches for a cactus.”
“I can never understand how that feels,” I said. “And I know beast is just like the lurker in the dark you mention, coveting flowers. That is why he cannot be free from me.” I stood up from the couch, and tried to face Lila, but she turned away from me. I had to cast my vision around separate from my body and invisible to find tears in her eyes. I pulled her hand closer and held it to my forehead.
She stood there with me for a moment, crying silently. I just held her hand, feeling JJ crying alongside her within. It felt like a terrible time to pour myself out to her. I came to her to share my struggles of being locked away, but that was my own imprisonment. The main struggle was the multitude of people around outside. It held me at home, locked to my own devices. A few minutes later, Lila’s hand moved along my arm, kneeling on the couch as I sat back down. I saw it in her eyes, weakness. I felt beast leap for control, but he took a nap in a tar pit right away.
“I—” I started, but a finger stopped me. My brain told me to run, avoid this with another person who would hurt me in the future. I remained. Her lips found mine for a moment, feeling a warm breath on my cheek when lingering. She was older now, leading my hand to her back where I found the three-pointed opening. The tar pit within me bubbled as a hand reached up, but I dropped a heavy metal lid over the surface to keep him contained. I did not want him here to ruin it, but feared I would be inadequate without him.
The opening was moist, slippery to touch. I did not know what to do, but remembered the motions I once saw Lila do up against the couch back in the box. I tried to mimic the motions, realizing I had creationism at hand. With six hands, I rubbed the opening while Lila alternated kissing between my neck and lips. Her breath felt hotter, and her body moved more. I felt removed without beast to crave her flesh, to taste her sweat. Those were the things he would think.
#Bite her,# he would think. I moved my mouth over her shoulder and sank teeth into the skin gently at first, then a bit harder, all while rubbing the opening in hopefully correct ways. I sucked on the nape of her neck, just over the bone, gliding teeth over the thin skin over the collarbone. #Smell her, really take it in.# I rubbed my nose around her neck, inhaling the scent I imagined to be pleasing, a fragrant flower mixed with ripe fruit.
“I’m going to point,” she whispered into my ear, hot breath pouring like a tropical gust down the channel of my ear. I could feel the moisture linger with the words. Her teeth gently closed over my earlobe, then harder. I felt a twitch below, at my own sexual organ, blood flowing into the veins to prepare. I did not have to live my limitations here. I let it extend and curve as I imagined the men of her world had to have for this sort of copulation. With one final adjustment, the girthier curved member entered the three-pointed opening that clenched around it with a surprised gasp.
Clearing the skeletal opening put pressure on the outside of it, and I had to wonder whether I should make it thinner. I could see the displacement of skin in the front of her stomach. It was weird to see yourself penetrate someone else so naturally. I knew I would not reach a release without beast by my side, but I did my best for Lila. Her eyes closed, arching her back away from me, and severing the curved sexual organ at her spine. I withdrew what remained and returned it to my type of anatomy, while her body went limp.
“Lila?” I asked, then gave her a shake. “Are you ok?”
“Oh, sorry,” she said, leaning forward again. “I blinked out for a moment there. The point is a really powerful emotional overload. Thank you.” She slipped to the floor and inspected the exposed organ back to its original size. Her hand held it, gripped it tightly, then pulled the skin back. I wanted to stop her, but did not want to lie or pretend that I could have a climax without beast.
“I won’t reach the point,” I said. “I locked him away. I didn’t want you to be afraid of me. I don’t have beast inside my mind right now.” Lila stopped the stroking motions for a moment.
“You sure you need him?” Lila asked. “Do you feel my hand on you?” I nodded.
“It doesn’t mean that much,” I said. “In my reality, I am alone.”
“Use that big brain of yours, Jack,” she said. “And your hand.”
“And one more thing,” Lila said. “Stop writing it. Ok? Let this be a moment of us, not them.” I nodded, set my writing glasses aside, and turned off the device.
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