A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

I came back at lunch time, getting lost in the written pages from before, this time centralizing upon the time Lila told me about who she really was. Thirty minutes passed without my notice of just reading back what I noted down before. It was shortly after I tried to erase my connection to the box left behind by Rebecca, becoming a baby that Lila had to care for. It was likely before Kara showed up again, before Fyntn, and before Tarne was exposed as Akier. While being much more annoying back then, it was much simpler than having to convince someone to erase a memory from their mind. I stepped into the room where the three lay sleeping. Rather than ask for Fyntn to stop by again, I picked up the Keir from the floor and called forth the AI James Denizen. He appeared out of a gray shimmer, gaining color by the second until he looked solid. When I passed my hand through him, he phased out to the colors and a ghost-like figure underneath at the entrance point. “Hey, James,” I said. “Kara ...

I came back the next day to check on Lila’s progress, hoping she did not rush through the whole thing. The sequel saw me in a bad light, then a bit of good, then a lot of bad. I was sure it ended on a bad note, but remembered that Rebecca left behind a laptop of recordings, something I asked her to do to keep track of the things I missed by being away from her. The laptop I disintegrated after Lila put her effort to record my expanded ideas into. I blipped into the library and panned over the whole space to see if Lila came back inside. “Hey,” said a voice from above. I turned to find Kara leaning over the second floor railing, as she often did. I wondered if she had back pain like me. “Seen Lila around? It’s her turn teaching Tarne.” “She’s probably reading in the garden,” I replied. “Teaching?” “What did you do now?” She asked. “What is she reading?” “Just a book, a story from the many I’ve written,” I lied. “Uh-huh, like I’d believe that,” Kara said. “If I had to warrant a guess, yo...

“Hey,” I said appearing in the wooden enclosure. “You’re late,” Lila said. “Two days late.” “Yeah, I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s been a bit difficult to sleep lately with the heat. The situation in the city I live in is draining, but there was a nice thunderstorm last night that gave way to some cooling.” She was sitting on the couch in her child body, making me wonder whether the teen one was a way to cope. “How do you know about Faust?” She asked. “WHAT do you know about him?” I changed my view to see the transparent vines fill up the room. She was unaware of them, but they gave me power I once had with Rebecca. “Nothing,” I said. “You were mumbling out in the dark. Something about deserving being here? Wanna talk about that?” She looked away while pulling her legs up onto the green couch. “Not really,” she said, but I had a feeling she would anyway. “He was a friend back in my world.” “Was?” “We were playing around in this place adults tell us not to. Like an abandoned factory. It’s har...

I woke up to my own bed and sat up in fear of being at home. A dream. It was all a dream. My first thought erased all I’ve learned of Garavand , Zaxi , and Secear with a flush of relief, but the second questioned the complexity I imagined. My relief was cut down by Fiona waking up to kiss me. “What’s wrong?” she asked with searching eyes. “Why are we at my place?” I asked. There was more I needed to know, but hesitated thinking that if the words of it left my mouth, they would become true. I could only wait for her to expose my reality. “Doc said that we should live in a relaxing environment while the baby gestates,” she said. Doc was real. Then all of it had to be real. Ernie, Agi, all real. Panic hit me at the reality of this fantasy, but a memory of one night together with Fiona righted me. She was carrying my child now. “But humans are hunting you,” I said. “And they’re sure to be watching me. This place isn’t safe for us, the three of us.” Fiona smiled and touched her stomach. “I...

Well, aren’t you so into god worship, JJ. I like this notebook, it’s roomy, but also concise. You will suffer having to write so small, of that I’m certain. See, that’s why you shouldn’t… Focus! This writer drifted off into a daydream. He dreamed of winning the lottery, poor sod. Argh! It’s so annoying! My speech, my language, the phrases I use. Do you realize what you should not do? You’re like a cultural sponge, influenced far too much by culture-specific phrases and the like. Since you use that mind to let me roam free, I get saturated with the backwash. “I know, Finn,” he says. “Do you wish for me to take a break until I’m reset to a more nominal English ?” No way. I know what’s brewing in your mind, JJ. Do you think anyone cares about your real life? What a boring story that would be, only living in the mind because the world is too scary to venture out into. That’s what you would be in it, JJ, a pure and simple coward, a frozen child in your own words. It’s not a justified life y...