A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

I came back a few days later, in the middle of the week. I just wanted to check in on Kara and Lila to be a part of something that was without issues seeing as my life was only spiraling. I arrived at the large room to find Tarne sitting on the couch in silence. “Hey,” I said. She looked over, frowned, and turned away. “You ok?” “They’re at it again,” she said. I worried that she meant they were having relationship issues, but a soft moan entered my ears from upstairs. I looked at Tarne, who was red in the face embarrassed. “Can you make them stop?” “It’s a natural thing,” I explained. “But it would be hard to understand at your age. Give it some time, you’ll understand.” “And then it wont bother me anymore?” “Well, then it will bother you more,” I said. “But you’ll understand and look for something similar with someone.” “Who?” “Good question,” I said. “Probably someone you haven’t met yet. Once you leave this place, you will meet countless people, and some will be fun to be around. A...

My fire was always considered the odd one out. My mom pretended to like the fact that it looked like a rainbow, but Dad and my brothers were never that good at lying. It was unique, unheard of even, but in their eyes only weird. My mom’s fire was lime green, like the shadow mages and their minions. She had good standing in their circles because of this fact, expanding relations with a powerful force. Dad’s fire was the classic orange-red. He was very common among firemongers, and the fact that Mom ever gave him the time of day was a miracle. His classical nature made instant pals with the other clans who kept up their orange-red fire circles. My elder brother Henry’s fire was a gentle orange, like that of twilight just past the sunset, lingering from blue sky to the gentlest orange horizon. I always loved that about his fire. He was artistic, putting shows on for our family and clans. This gathered a lot of interest from girls. He could be so sweet one moment, and very mean the next. T...

I came back two days later, three if you count that it was almost two in the morning. I was in a different mindset following a mass layoff due to the virus affecting all businesses. I did not want the night to end because the next few days would not be easy. The essential jobs were likely to be the only form of income, but a lot of people would be unemployed until the virus died down. At the very least, I did not want to worry Lila about the things happening in my reality. I would get by somehow. As I entered the room under the library, I found her sleeping there on the couch. Maybe since I provided my day-night cycle, she aligned to it. I did not want to wake her. Her face looked so calm and I wanted to keep it that way. Rather than leave for the night, I went upstairs to see if the alchemy-magical circle she made in the floor had any success over the days I had been away. It became apparent that it did not capture the person in question, as the drawn strands of wood curved into a lot...

It had been months since my pen touched these pages. What was written, still remained in my mind, but as a snapshot of events. Details failed to save on my organic hard drive, so I had to wonder if I ever released Rebecca from her restriction of mentioning beast. It warranted a read through from the very start, one and a half of a notebook ago, back when I still hoped Rebecca could help me lead a healthy life. This was another in a long line of mistakes letting my own mind heal itself. I wanted too much from my insanity, and created another Finnelgamin, another undying existence with no limitations. My time away was spent writing another story. The tale was meant to be light and fantastic, but evolved to tackle the abuse of the LGBTQIA+ community, or rather the difficulty of accepting such changes to the world that have been happening for a long time now. The story was about a young girl who hatched a dragon from a chicken egg, only to find the creature not fit the world it was born...