A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

I hesitated coming back after Christmas. Lila would no doubt tell Kara about my slip up. Knowing what happened could only expose the gunshot underneath the band-aid. I had worked too hard to change their minds, to have them forget. First of all, there was nothing to know. The person Tarne was had nothing to do with what the soul was before. Granted he regained his memories once before, but Fyntn fixed that with his sacrifice. Having delayed going into the library until the last few minutes before work, I needed to face what became of Kara. I had to know that the memory of knowing was erased. I stepped into the library to find it empty, but rather than call out, I sent out a telepathic field to only connect to Kara. She was nowhere to be found, possibly no longer in the untethered space. She had the Keir after all, and I worried what that might mean, having revealed the plan to erase her memories to James AI. The setting was wrong. I would have to stop by again another time. I was disap...

I came back the next day, following a read through of when Fyntn found out about my reality core binding to a seed of thought. It was a fun time, but now was no time at all. I sat at the controls again, in some sort of temporal bubble that Akier somehow had a way of manipulating. Last time, I heard him whispering in my ear, but only after I wound time back. The ten-cut still blazed white light on a frozen scene, as I hesitated over the orb to wind time back. There had to be a way to rewind time to before Akier was realized in Tarne. If only Fyntn could assist me here. He had to be familiar with this setup. I tried winding time back again, this time not moving from the spot in the library that I hovered. Tarne wound back to before the lunge, and Fyntn got put back together, but Akier did not walk back upstairs backwards like before. Instead, he just sat on the couch again, this time grinning like mad. I flew closer to see if he knew where I was again, but he just kept looking ahead, gri...

Two days later, I came back feeling bad about how I left. I had moments like these with Finn and Rebecca, but they were not… real? There was no proof that Lila was real either, but could I really invent a whole society with different bodies that looked human enough. Rebecca and Finn were both humans, at least at the start. I was not sure what Lila was. The library was empty. I also looked through the garden, and scanned the outside with creationism, bright lights bursting in all directions of the dark. No matter how much light went into the endless, the only parts that illuminated were the invisible vines that allowed my creationism. I imagined that the vines were veins instead and let the light fill them to the brim. As the brightly glowing gas expanded further and further in that dark, I created an endless lift to push me outside the cluster so I could see how far it reached. The further the panel of metal took me, the more contrast I saw of vines and darkness, until the gas reached ...

I’d been back to the laptop in my mind a few times since I last wrote here. There was nothing to record. I asked the piece of tech to help me, and the only response I got from Rebecca was to read her story. Whether this was her way of being known to you, or if she wrote the story with my betterment in mind, I had no clue. Don’t expect to create something, or someone, that will fix who you are. This could just be a lone author on verge of self-harm talking. Pay no attention to my ramblings. Rebecca is the star here, the key, and I’ll soon fade away whereas she will live eternal within you. With that in mind, it’s best that I continue her story. The pages of this notebook are drawing short. alter “You were trying to feed on me?” I asked of the Tisyros who no longer looked like Rassot. “How did you know you even could?” The now young woman pulled out a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses and made them glow pink. “I can see it,” she said, flexing into an older version of that same girl. I ...