A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

Shining Eves- Flaming Goldester At the end of the long summer that burns so bright and warm, a flower blossoms to progress the season into fall. On the night of the first day of autumn, this flower blooms where no human can possibly see it. The closed bud is golden and shivering in the cooling night breeze on its light green stem. The glow from the inside can be seen very lightly seen through the golden petals. As midnight approaches the bud starts to open letting a waft of sweet summer air roll over the field of dried crops. The moon beckons the flower to bloom, but the flower takes its time. Slowly the golden petals shaped as flames open and let a golden light shine on the field of wheat swaying in the night breeze. The moon looks at the flower with one eye closed as the petals peel into layers of thinnest golden leaves imaginable. The leaves slowly break off from the flower and are taken up by a sudden gust of wind. The golden leaves are carried for a few feet and then disintegrate ...

Now at the new notebook, of shade green, I sat at my morning coffee pondering how I could best approach Rebecca’s space and talk to her rather than fight. I had this feeling that a duel was inevitable, a struggle between the two of us comparing who could better bend her space to their will. What could she do that I wasn’t prepared for? Did Crimmy, like beast, think up dark imagery of torture and torment for Rebecca? Time drew short before work, and if I was to be stuck in this space, this notebook, I’d have to resolve it quickly. With a sharp breath, I entered Rebecca’s space high above the neighborhood. She expanded the few houses to about thirty, and each had a light on while the sky was still dark. The realistic sun simulation mirrored my reality in darkness. I was without form, but thanks to the dumb child part of my mind, Rebecca was already aware that I was there. Hopefully, she had no idea where, but when the library house exploded, I knew that she was waiting there for me. It ...

It had been months since my pen touched these pages. What was written, still remained in my mind, but as a snapshot of events. Details failed to save on my organic hard drive, so I had to wonder if I ever released Rebecca from her restriction of mentioning beast. It warranted a read through from the very start, one and a half of a notebook ago, back when I still hoped Rebecca could help me lead a healthy life. This was another in a long line of mistakes letting my own mind heal itself. I wanted too much from my insanity, and created another Finnelgamin, another undying existence with no limitations. My time away was spent writing another story. The tale was meant to be light and fantastic, but evolved to tackle the abuse of the LGBTQIA+ community, or rather the difficulty of accepting such changes to the world that have been happening for a long time now. The story was about a young girl who hatched a dragon from a chicken egg, only to find the creature not fit the world it was born...

As soon as I entered that V-scape, a message popped up to greet me from the only person I’ve met there, Ledeon. As it had been upwards of a year since I'd last been in contact with him, it was a surprise. “Wow,” he said in the message. “You haven’t been on at all since I met you. I take it you didn’t like the Dark World?” A prompt popped up to reply, but I hesitated. When my eyes focused on the reply prompt, a text box popped open. It was speech recognition in the highest of forms. “I did,” I said, to myself in the middle of the town to compose a reply. “I was just dealing with a lot at home. A friend just had a baby, and this might be the last time I’m ever in this place. Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m doing here.” “Huh,” he replied. I expected more, but he didn’t send anything else until I was half of the way to the next town. With the green filter, the gray environment looked desolate, but beautiful. “Send me your location. I’ll show you the coolest parts of this V-scape b...