A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

I came back on the last Monday before Christmas. It was going to be a short week at work, but I was sure it would be as difficult as always around this time of the year. Countless people wanted to take time off, leaving the work in less experienced hands. I entered the library at the main large room, with my shimmering green clothing already on. Fyntn appeared from a portal at the top of the stairs as if to urge me to come up. When I did not, he walked through and arrived next to me at another portal. “Hey, Fyntn,” I said. “Think we have a chance today?” “Even if not today, are you going to stop trying?” “No, you’re right,” I said, nodding. “Doesn’t matter how long it takes. Even if I can’t get them back together until next year. I’ll try until I can bring them back.” Fyntn said nothing more, only created a portal into a darkness that opened up to the three beds crowded in the conjoined room upstairs. We stepped through as the back of one claw smoothed the air to patch the portal small...

Past the Thanksgiving weekend, I sat once more at the device with an idea derived from six hours of waiting for someone to open the door to where I lived. It was a three-step plan for dealing with Kara. I hoped the third step would not be necessary. If the first step worked, I would not need the rest. It was more of a one step plan with two contingencies in case of failure. It was a real if-then-if-then-if-then scenario, with the last “then” drawing a blank. In programming, that would error out, but here it was the last line of defense, the third “if” being the exterminating final bullet to the problem Kara presented. I entered the library almost confident. I would be throwing emotions I had to field from Tarne back at Kara. I was interested in seeing how she felt after getting comfortable with the kid. It broke my heart. Maybe it could melt the ice around Kara’s wounded one. All she could see now was anger for what happened to James at the hands of someone very much gone. When I got u...

I came back a few days later. I forgot to come back to draw Kara the next day. How did one draw someone who has been a hero all her life past her prime? I did not intend to mean it disparagingly. I have always seen Kara as the badass girl who jumped between worlds to heal them. She even worked with the creatures that fed on the chaos she prevented. In that way, she tamed them, turned them into a different sort of being. When I saw her now, in love with Lila, and happy even, I was speechless in terms of picturing her. There was one scene I wanted to draw of her. It was back when both Lila and Kara were in bed, Tarne between them in a lovely symmetry. I kept it in my head, but that was not the standard Kara moment. The classic for her was stirring up trouble for a good cause. I always saw her amidst a battle, both elated and focused. My drawing could not capture that yet. I entered the library in my form, but found it empty. With a check upstairs and the garden, I proceeded to the attic ...