A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

I came back the next day, feeling horrible for promising a child that I could do something that was probably beyond my power. Part of this that I reread recently lit up in my head with Lila remarking that nothing was impossible in your mind, but this was a little bit beyond my mind now. I was only connected to somewhere I was not supposed to be. I wondered what the Rahin decided, or if that already occurred. It was hard to keep track of the events that happened since that first knock on the wooden box below the library. I stepped into the very box this time, instead of the library. It was just as I left it, minus the laptop with Rebecca’s record. Parts of her story didn’t even make it out to her story, and I was fine with that. A lot of that story already was not fit for standard human consumption. It would get edited to all hell, reduced to the gist of an idea, but that was likely to happen to this last installment of the mind, coming apart. I sat on the green couch for a moment and r...

I came back a week later, realizing I forgot to find a way to keep her out of my mind. Instead of entering the library, I sat at my device, mind outside of the untethered space. Maybe there was a way to contact Fyntn this way. There was no way he would show up in my reality, but I have seen him around in the corner of my eye a few times, a flicker of a shape vanishing. #Fyntn?# I thought with my eyes closed. Behind my eyelids I found something else than the imagination opening to the untethered space. There was a corridor in half light, with a distant doorway that had a rosy light to it. I flew through it and then into the corridor with rose pink light. The corridor led to a room made of pink flesh. I had no form in there, just a standard array of senses. #Fyntn?# #Welcome to the inside of your brain,# he said. I looked around, but doubted this was my brain. #I can hear your thoughts, by the way. Kinda, like, always. Look.# I watched at the direction he pointed as a light emerged from ...

All my touting of trust over Moredo, and I had not been back in months. I was afraid of what I would find. If I trusted Fyntn, I would have gone back the next day. Meanwhile, I entertained myself with a story of a girl in a world ruined by the past, dreaming. I came back the morning of a Wednesday, after being woken up at five in the morning by someone calling out my name. It had to be a dream, someone from the library I left behind. I could not foretell what to expect now, but I would most definitely not be in female form. I just hoped Tarne was back to her previous self. I stepped into the untethered space, or my tether of reality core to the library. It looked just like when I left it, except for the darkness beyond the windows again. I partially missed the gray. The library itself was empty, almost heartrendingly so. What if, in my time away, the Rahin actually came for Lila and Tarne? “Hello?” I called out, realizing my voice was male. I created a full body mirror right away and f...

I came back a few days later, uncertain of what I wanted to say to Lila. It would just have to come to me in the moment. I entered the library from the front door instead of the “basement” box it all originated from. It looked empty, but I knew it was not. The fact that it was still around, meant that the Rahin had not come back to destroy everything. This meant that Fyntn was still hanging around, with Kelio. “Hey,” a voice took me by surprise from behind me. It was Lila, at the open door to the darkness. “I was just sitting on the stoop when you arrived. Did I surprise you?” “Yeah, a bit,” I said. “I wasn’t expecting anyone past the confines of the library. I should be aware of that though, seeing as there are void leeches out in the dark.” “Most of them are lost, aimless,” Lila said, sounding so sure that I wanted to ask if she was ok. “I— I’m sorry about before.” “No, it’s ok,” I said. “It’s my issue. I’ve suppressed my urges for a very long time. I’m too afraid of just letting go ...

I came back to the tablet a few days later, another night arriving too late for any real conversation with Lila. I was afraid of being there longer. She was receiving the raw version of me, and would know my past in what was to come. I arrived at the small room, but she was there again. The library just up the spiral staircase was no doubt empty again. Lila was sprawled out on the couch, playing with lights floating above her. It was something of a juggle. The blue lights fell the fastest, but as she tapped each, they changed color and either slowed their descent or started to rise at varying speeds. The yellow ones were the fastest to rise, bouncing off the ceiling and changing to a color of descending tone. “Hey,” I said, stepping into form beside the couch. Lila sat up, face in various lights moving up and down at contact with her face. A few scattered into the room, hovering slowly to the ground. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been back in a bit. I figured when I come back, we should ge...