A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

Having just reread a part of the story where Fyntn discussed his place in the ivy, I came back to the library weeks later. I did not feel like coming back since everything was ok now. There was no reason to continue, except when the Rahin returned to change something. Over the weeks spent away, I had grown sad and angry about some things in my life, and the growing disaster of the virus variants plaguing the world into a subjugated populace. Those who were meant to protect us, have given up trying. This was the time for an endemic survival of the fittest. The second I stepped foot in that empty space, I did not want to stay. I could only burden them with the way I was feeling. I wanted to let beast run loose, let JJ have fun unburdened by limits of time and money. I had no place to let rage burn out of me. I had no time to play around. Kara, Lila, and Tarne, did not need that depressing mindset around right now. I would have to find a way to rage and play before coming back. break I ha...

I came back on the last Monday before Christmas. It was going to be a short week at work, but I was sure it would be as difficult as always around this time of the year. Countless people wanted to take time off, leaving the work in less experienced hands. I entered the library at the main large room, with my shimmering green clothing already on. Fyntn appeared from a portal at the top of the stairs as if to urge me to come up. When I did not, he walked through and arrived next to me at another portal. “Hey, Fyntn,” I said. “Think we have a chance today?” “Even if not today, are you going to stop trying?” “No, you’re right,” I said, nodding. “Doesn’t matter how long it takes. Even if I can’t get them back together until next year. I’ll try until I can bring them back.” Fyntn said nothing more, only created a portal into a darkness that opened up to the three beds crowded in the conjoined room upstairs. We stepped through as the back of one claw smoothed the air to patch the portal small...

Past the Thanksgiving weekend, I sat once more at the device with an idea derived from six hours of waiting for someone to open the door to where I lived. It was a three-step plan for dealing with Kara. I hoped the third step would not be necessary. If the first step worked, I would not need the rest. It was more of a one step plan with two contingencies in case of failure. It was a real if-then-if-then-if-then scenario, with the last “then” drawing a blank. In programming, that would error out, but here it was the last line of defense, the third “if” being the exterminating final bullet to the problem Kara presented. I entered the library almost confident. I would be throwing emotions I had to field from Tarne back at Kara. I was interested in seeing how she felt after getting comfortable with the kid. It broke my heart. Maybe it could melt the ice around Kara’s wounded one. All she could see now was anger for what happened to James at the hands of someone very much gone. When I got u...

For fear of my words getting lost to the current status of my habitation, I employed my old way of writing, by means of storage USB with all my past stories, and those who would one day come to be. I had to delve into one of their minds tonight. Tarne could not be set aside any longer. I stepped into the library expecting another giant contraption of orange tracks, only to find Tarne playing by herself with JJ nowhere in sight. She was skipping on the wooden floor of many different hues, trying to only land on the lightest ones. “Hey,” I said, making her land on one foot, and tumble over to the couch. “Sorry. Where’s JJ?” “He didn’t want to play with me anymore,” Tarne said. “He’s very childish.” I smiled. “He is a child, Tea.” “I’m a child, TOO,” she continued. “But he’s a really petty little brat. We played his game for a bit, with a bunch of action elements. When he got tired, I made us some snacks and drinks, and asked if I can choose the next game. At first he was ok with it, but ...

I came back the next day, from a downpour of rain outside that cooled my mind down. It felt like I put obstacles in front of myself just to trip over them, but this was at an end. If anything, I wanted Kara to be happy again. Maybe I could even reverse Tarne growing up inside Garr. Kara and Lila could head off into the other worlds with child Tarne, living on the run from the Rahin. I would be a decoy in that scenario, allowing the destruction of this space, which I knew was coming anyways. Waiting to die was a truly depressing way to live. Even after I promised Rebecca I would seek happiness. Part of me never trusted her, or rather the Rebecca on the computer screen who told me she went to talk to Alexander Virtu. It did not matter. Lila’s and Kara’s happiness was paramount. I appeared in the library out of a puff of smoke to find it empty. My antics were wasted. I walked up the stairs to see if Kara and Lila were still at Tarne’s bedside. When I reached the top step, the door to the ...

I came back, incidentally, not a day later, but two days after. Kara and Lila were still in the cube, but sat back to back in the center instead of being split into the corners of the container. They were not at odds with each other so the orbs did not activate to separate them. Tarne was not around, possibly learning ways to make silence feel even better. I walked into the cube with a smile, but found myself slowing down as I got closer to the two women housed in a room to settle their differences. They were both hitting the ground beside them, hands sore and bruised. I stopped, but it was too late, they stood up and lunged at me. With both of them pushing, they forced me to the wall of the cube and used me as the key to exit as well. It was a well-orchestrated plan, for a bunch of rubes. “Sorry,” I said, then put one hand each on their respective sides to send them flying back into the cube. “I came here to get you guys out, but that wasn’t very nice.” “Let us out,” Lila said, then t...