A Self-Study Within A Broken Mind

“Hey,” I said the next night into the library. Lila was sprawled out on top of a bookshelf, these no longer filled with lessons of my life. They looked empty without books, but it was now the digital age, and the stories remained on the laptop downstairs. “Oh, hey,” Lila sat up on the bookshelf, legs hanging off each side. “You’re back like you said. I didn’t expect you to be here the next day.” “I feel a strange need to apologize to you,” I said. “But don’t,” she replied, lifted her leg over to join the other and jumped off the height to land gracefully. “I did what I wanted to do.” “Even without beast rattling around inside me, I took advantage,” I said. “It’s fine,” she said. “And let me know if you’d even feel like trying it in the female form.” I tried to picture it, rubbing our backs together at random. Then I tried to picture how a human female and Lila could engage in sex, much to confusion. There would be a lot to figure out before it could be pleasurable. “I was wondering if ...

The next day at coffee, I visited the spawn chamber again. Though some parts of the story remained untold, I was not interested in telling them. Her story ended, however vaguely. I wanted to know what they talked about at the meeting of all the beings in Rebecca’s universe. I wondered just how many of the video messages she left for me, but the laptop was an immortal object of the room, like the size of it and place in space. The best course of action was to call out phrases and words that might trigger those video messages. This made me wonder if Rebecca, or more possibly Crimmy, recorded any sexual videos for me. It had to have crossed her mind, though I chose to try something else first. “Did you leave because you were angry at me?” I asked, but nothing played. Maybe that was too complex. “You left.” With that, she appeared on the screen alone with a serious look. “I know you’ll try to blame yourself for my departure, but stop being so selfish,” she said. “It wasn’t Finn’s idea or...

When I came back the next day, Rebecca was sitting in the library at the desk while feeding Finn the mouse some snacks. I hesitated creating a form. She wanted me to relive past insanity and tell her of the mistakes I’ve made when dealing with Finn’s development. Granted, Finn arrived into my mind knowing full well what he was. He had influence over my mind, and thus exposed my thoughts when I talked to him in the story. I sat drinking coffee again, with Rebecca’s notebook, and the first notebook of Finnelgamin. What could this accomplish? “Jack?” Rebecca asked of the room. Perhaps she timed when I’d be back based on the time my work started. For all she knew, I was stuck in the commute, or didn’t have time to write with her this morning. As if to respond to my thoughts, she met my eyes so sure of herself that I had to check I was still invisible. “I know that you’re already here. It’s this kind of electric feeling in the air I’ve felt once or twice when I was alone. At first, I just ...