Chapter 4 - Misunderstood
When I came back the next day, Rebecca was sitting in the library at the desk while feeding Finn the mouse some snacks. I hesitated creating a form. She wanted me to relive past insanity and tell her of the mistakes I’ve made when dealing with Finn’s development. Granted, Finn arrived into my mind knowing full well what he was. He had influence over my mind, and thus exposed my thoughts when I talked to him in the story. I sat drinking coffee again, with Rebecca’s notebook, and the first notebook of Finnelgamin. What could this accomplish?
“Jack?” Rebecca asked of the room. Perhaps she timed when I’d be back based on the time my work started. For all she knew, I was stuck in the commute, or didn’t have time to write with her this morning. As if to respond to my thoughts, she met my eyes so sure of herself that I had to check I was still invisible. “I know that you’re already here. It’s this kind of electric feeling in the air I’ve felt once or twice when I was alone. At first, I just thought it was something I did to myself that made me feel that way, but figured it out just now. It’s a feeling. I know when you’re around. So… Come on out already.” I grimaced and formed solid in her space.
“About those times…” I started, but did not have an explanation. One of the times, I walked in on her by accident in ghost form. The other was when I saw her array of sex toys and lingered by accident as she started.
“beast?” She asked. I smiled at her understanding. “I get it. He wants to feel good. There is nothing wrong with that. I like to feel good, too. Would… Would you want to- you know, together sometime?” beast jumped onto the cage with all his might, but I tightened his chains. When that occurred, his mouth seal loosened for the brief moment he needed.
“You’d melt to a puddle from the heat,” I said, but not in my normal voice. Rebecca’s eyes widened for a moment, but I shook the gag back into place. Too late. The damage was done.
“That was passionate,” she said and fidgeted on the desk she sat on.
“Yes, beast is passion,” I said. “But it comes at a price. Are you ok?”
“Bathroom,” she said, and ran off up the stairs. beast fought his binds hard with an idea to go and listen. A few minutes later, she was back with a smile. We both knew what she did, but said nothing about it.
“So,” I said, snapping my fingers to bring Finn’s notebook into existence. Gravity took it into my hand. “I brought Finn as promised, but hesitate to let you read it.”
“Why?” she asked. “Is there some beast stuff in there?”
“Plenty,” I replied. “Finnelgamin was inside my head. He saw beast, fed it, ran it. I gave Finn a lot of freedom, which was my downfall, and in turn only affected me in negative ways. I don’t want you to see it and want the same freedoms, but that’s like asking the sun not to shine.”
“I’m fine where I am, Jack,” Rebecca said. “All I want from this is understanding of Finn. I’d love to be his friend rather than his enemy, you know?” I felt a tear escape my eye. Maybe she was exactly what I initially wanted from Finn.
“Just the start, for now,” I said. “I only have-”
“Forty-four minutes until work,” Rebecca completed. “Plus you want to be fifteen minutes early, so twenty-eight minutes now. Get to it, Jack.” I threw the book toward her and nodded as I opened my version to the first page.
reading
“Wow,” she said after the first paragraph. “He’s so sure of himself.” I glanced at her.
“Shh,” I said. “I know you want to comment, but hold them to the end of this part, ok?” I paused after Finn’s introduction to check if Rebecca wanted to comment, but from the looks of it, she was enjoying the new perspective Finnelgamin threw out.
reading
“You wrote his thing the same way you write mine,” Rebecca said, when the book closed. “But you drank alcohol instead of coffee.” I thought back to it.
“I was fighting the loss of my mind,” I said. “Finn was in my mind a while before I put him onto paper. I needed to rid myself of what I’d stolen from the void. I didn’t know this at the time, that’s why that Kara is just a copy rather than an actual Keir person who saves worlds.”
“She looked the same,” she said.
“Looked?” I asked.
“I guess I just imagined her looking the same. Finn really hated you from the start, huh?” I lowered my head in shame.
“No, Rebecca,” I said. “I hated myself. He was just honest about how I felt about myself, and I saw that as insanity. I’m sorry, I have to go.”
“I know,” Rebecca said. “If it means anything to you, I’m glad you exist as you are. After all, I exist because of those flaws. I doubt anyone is perfect in the real world, but if I can help you in some way, I will. Later, Jack.”
break
I came back the next morning to find Rebecca waiting for me in the library. She would be disappointed someday when I didn’t show up due to obstacles of my reality. She had to learn about unpredictability of life if I was to ever let her go. I’d have to do this eventually, let Rebecca live a story of her life and be part of the void. I’ve stolen her for help, but if the void was truly a place of no time progression, it could wait.
“Why don’t you create a form, Jack?” Rebecca asked of the room. I phased into form and met her eyes.
“I was musing on what follows,” I said.
“Musing?”
“Contemplating,” I explained. “Thinking about our future.”
“Is this about what Kara said?” She asked. “Are you afraid of these, umm…”
“Rahin,” I completed, “And yes, who wouldn’t be scared of giant beings that consume chaos worlds as if gumdrops?”
“I’m sorry, Jack,” Rebecca said. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. Let’s just read more Finn. Maybe when I understand him, he could live here with me rather than be confined to his glowing ball prison.” I thought of a scenario where she let him loose and he stole her away from me. It made my hands tremble.
“Please don’t ever take him out of the ball without me,” I pleaded. She nodded slowly, sensing it was best not to ask for explanation. “Ready to read? I’ll pause and look to you throughout to allow comments, but otherwise, try not to interrupt.”
“Got it,” she said, opening the book with only the writing I previously read to her. It was as if I was writing the story for her by reading it out in the real world.
reading
I glanced at Rebecca, but she didn’t meet my eyes.
“Are you ok?” Rebecca asked and I realized tears formed in my eyes about the part with pets.
“Yeah, sorry,” I said. “It's bound to make me emotional sometimes. I’ll keep going.”
reading
“Comments?” I asked pausing after Finn’s first experience of longing. Rebecca looked up at me and then back to the book in her hands.
“I somehow understand why you started with that emotion,” she said. “Did he really name her of his own creation? What does the name mean to you?”
“I’ve seen it used,” I said. “But that’s about it. He really did pluck it out of himself, maybe that was his first true choice of freedom.” Rebecca tapped the book to keep going.
reading
“You erased her from his mind?”
“He fell, but was supposed to remain high above,” I explained. “Love is a weakness to a brand new mind, thus it hurts the most when it proves untrue. Rather than let him live a fallen god, I put him back on the pedestal of freedom.”
“A lonely pedestal,” Rebecca said. “You do understand that love can be a strength, right? I mean, you have to. If I know it, so must you.”
“I told you,” I said. “This is the past, an experimental time and with an experiment that I then thought I created.”
reading
“You left her name in his mind?”
“No,” I replied. “It was as if that one stupid meeting with Fiona in the park left such an emotional scar that the letters carved themselves to the backs of his eyelids. I fought to keep him away from the memory, but in the end, he still found his way back to her.”
“Love is strength,” Rebecca said. “Somewhere deep inside, you still believed that, or at least JJ did.”
reading
“I’m glad that you gave her back,” Rebecca said. “And you gave him a past, something even I don’t have. It makes me feel a bit hollow, but I take refuge in the feeling of your memories of your family. You have to go for now, I know. Thank you, Jack. I look forward to more reading at another time.”
“I’m going to a wedding party this weekend,” I said. “Probably won’t see you until three days from now. Do you need anything?”
“The rest of this story,” she said, then laughed. “But really, a pool would be nice.” I waved my hand and created a pool outside her house while placing knowledge of swimming into her mind thanks to a quick FRisk attachment. I also secured this knowledge into the A.I. brains of the neighbors in case she invited them over.
“It’s outside your house,” I said. “Later.”
“Thanks.”
I faded from my form.
break
I came back into the library after a weekend of travel. Rebecca wasn’t there, but she knew the time of the day when I stopped by for coffee, so I was worried that something had happened with Finnelgamin. Would she free him and try to reason with him? I hoped not. Before I even created a form, I needed to find her. Rather than fly around in search, I put a hand over my eyes and changed eyesight to X-ray. She was over at Jorge’s place, upstairs, involved in a dance of two bodies underneath a stream of water.
I turned my wrist to adjust visibility from X-ray to regular sight through objects. As soon as Rebecca’s naked body bent forward and Jorge entered, I looked away, though beast rattled his cage with a craving to see more. He pushed so hard that I looked to them for a second more, only to notice Rebecca find out what time it was by the thermometer clock on the wall. Her eyes turned directly to meet mine as if she knew I was right there. Her face contorted with eyes rolling back in a release of pleasure. beast held me in place, unable to look away from that moment. I was just glad there was no sound.
In seconds, the ghostly form mimicked my excitement in the real world and the ghostly hand holding my head in place tried to grab hold of the mimicked erect organ only to realize it went right through it. Before beast had a chance to think up a way to form and let off steam, I took my hands off my face to return to normal vision. Why did I think that she could see me? Was the object see through more of a tunnel creator on a quantum scale? With one motion, beast was back in his restraints, and now within a gated lot to step up the security of his control.
I wanted to speak to Rebecca, explain that I was almost out of time, but she wouldn’t rush over right away after that leg-discouraging event. Before I left, I wrote a quick note in the air that I’d be back tomorrow at around the same time, to talk, or even just read more Finn. I heard the door open just as the last bit of me vanished.
break
Later that day, I found Rebecca in her house. She was sitting on the couch with Finn in her lap, but her mind felt distant. Before disturbing her thoughts, I went to check on Jorge who was exercising at the moment. I could still see that bathroom scene in my mind. He was a good male specimen and I was glad that she was having fun. It was just unfortunate that I saw her at that particular moment. beast rattled his cage at the memory, but he was well situated.
With Jorge busy, I checked on Eva and Avery who were just going about their routines as if Rebecca never interacted with them. Maybe Jorge was enough for Rebecca’s restricted social life, but her interaction with him should have acted as a catalyst to connect with the other two. It had already been three weeks since they appeared. The matter deserved investigating, but I decided to head back to Rebecca for now and check in.
She was still spaced out on the couch when I flew back. Rather than make a form from thin air, I stepped onto the steps outside and rang the doorbell. After a sound of footsteps, the door popped open, but she said nothing.
“Hey, Rebecca,” I said and waved my hand once. “I’m back from the wedding. It was so much fun.”
“Come in,” she said and held herself behind the door as if to hide. After I took a few steps in, she closed the door behind me. “So, I have a question for you, Jack.” I nodded. “Did you see me with Jorge in the bathroom this morning?”
“Huh?” I asked and remembered that she felt when I was around for some strange reason, even if I had no form. “Err… Yes, but I didn't mean to spy on you when you were…”
“Having sex in the shower,” she completed. “Yeah, I get that part, but then why did I see you right there in the distance? See, there I was under the pouring water, and all of a sudden this whole giant corridor opens and I saw you in the library, but by that point it was too late for Jorge to stop, and so you saw the climax.”
“I, uhh…” I started and fought beast from escaping. “I was trying something new, spatial repositioning sight.”
“I see,” Rebecca said and folded her arms as a sign of discomfort. “So, you can see through objects now? Through clothes?” I shifted my gaze outside to put her mind at ease.
“No,” I replied. “It was temporary. I don’t have it constantly. Besides, why did your view of this change so drastically all of a sudden? Just a few days ago you were flirting with danger and taunting beast.” She stood taller than me as I sat on the couch. Her eyes worried me. I knew it was my fault that she felt like this, and I was ashamed for having caused it.
“I’ve been thinking about it a bit,” she said. “Since you made me, there is a patriarchal strangeness to beast wanting me, and beast is a part of you no matter how you bind and gag him.
“Then there is the fact that you gave me all that I am. So, in this creation you gave me features that you felt were attractive, even giving me the vulva you’ve seen in some adult film. You made me to fit your interests, as if you fully intended beast to do things to me, with me. I just- I feel as though I was created to satisfy your craving of having someone to manipulate to your deepest desires. That’s what I am, isn’t it, Jack? Am I your slave?”
I felt that word like a stab to my heart. I wanted to explain to her all I could, but sadness gripped at my chest all of a sudden. I needed to get out of there for now. I covered my eyes as tears started to form in them. I did not want her to see me in that state. Without an answer, I faded my form and flew to displace Finn in case Rebecca had a rebellious thought to free him and escape her space thanks to freedoms she had gained.
break
I came back to the notebook the next day at coffee and created a form in the library right away. Rebecca wasn’t around, but I knew she felt me arrive, so I opened Finn’s old story and started reading until she came over. The words I read would appear in the copy that resided somewhere in her space for her to read later.
“…I said, Jack,” Rebecca said, shoving me to get my mind out of the book. “Where is he? Where’s Finn?” I closed Finn’s book and turned to face her.
“He’s safe,” I replied. “He’s got a food dispenser and water, so don’t worry about him.”
“Why?” She asked. “He’s MY pet. Give him back!” I stood up from the couch in the library.
“He’s not a pet and you know it,” I said. “And while we talk, argue, and such, I’d rather you didn’t spend time with him.”
“What are you doing?” she asked. “This is my cage. I have the right to at least decorate it.”
“Not with Finnelgamin,” I said. “It’s time I treated you with less as an interest and more as a character. This space, the neighborhood, it’s your room, and I’m your guardian.”
“Guardian?”
“That’s right,” I said. “I’m not family to you, and I am not beast that wants to fuck you for pleasure.. I’m here to help you, give you a story, and send you back into the Infinity Void where I stole you from. I also wanted to apologize for before. My mind is fractured, so I was seeking help to be a bit healthier, but I now realize that I was putting too much pressure on you.”
“Stop,” Rebecca said and walked over to me. beast still shook his cage to attack her, strip her, and have her, but I set the robot on him with electrical charges to make beast sleep. “I didn’t want this, Jack. I didn’t mean to do this to you. Please-”
“Don’t worry,” I said, avoiding her eyes. “You didn’t do anything. You just deserve more from me than you got. I will expand more effort in being your guardian from now on and have you back in the void in no time.”
“No, Jack, I-.”
“I’m sorry, Rebecca,” I said, feeling the coldness in my own voice. Emotion was no longer desired, and it only opened a path to beast thoughts. “I’m out of time. There is a new part in Finnelgamin’s story and I will do my best to read more for you to read it.” I met her eyes for a moment to find them in pain of guilt. I didn’t mean to hurt her, but she’d get used to this new order.
“Jack, wait,” she said, but I waved a hand to disintegrate my form.
break
I arrived to the library the next day, but Rebecca wasn’t there. On the desk, I found a piece of paper, a letter from her addressed to me. It said:
“Jack,
I didn’t mean for you to cut your emotions out while interacting with me. I understand that I’m just a character to you, an existence you can’t touch in reality, but I’m glad I’m here for you. This space is my cage, but only on bad days. On good days, It’s my home and temple of my god. Yes, Jack. To me, you’re a god, but isn’t that just a delusion you’re creating? If you were someone that powerful, why would you worry over a simple character like me?
No, I think you’re more than a god. You’re like a defender, and a creator. You can destroy, but with feeling, and never without good reason. What I’m saying is that you are special, unique. If you need someone like me, even for sexual exploitation by way of beast, I’ll be here for you. I want to be useful to you in any way possible.”
There was no signature or name on the bottom, but it was obvious Rebecca wrote it. I had to wonder if she was afraid of me now. Was she giving in to what I tried to keep her from because the alternative was demise? It made me feel sick that this one stupid event twisted our relationship into this. beast was a part of me, but I never wished to give into ferocity that nature demanded. Rebecca was misunderstanding my intentions even though I told her that I’d write a story for her. I already had a good one ready thanks to JJ, but wondered if she was down to play it out in her state.
A touch drew me away from thought. It was her, but as my eyes followed her hand I noticed she had no clothes on. beast shook out of his chains at the sight of her naked body, as I felt a throb within reality of this sudden urge. My eyes fell upon her bare breasts, and beast lost his mouth bindings as my gaze shifted lower. All the while, Rebecca’s hand slid down from my shoulder to chest, then lower acting as if a skeleton key to beast’s cage. All that held him back now was the gate, but I knew the second I saw the flower below, that metal contraption would melt away and she would be at the mercy of his presence. I had to stop it somehow, prevent his freedom, but Rebecca used her other hand to tilt my eyes directly at her crotch while her traveling hand slipped into my pants to find a hand-hold.
The beast-containing yard exploded in a crimson fire. From within, beast stepped up to take control, but robot was already booted up. His arms extended to whips, but even electrified strikes of thunder couldn’t stop a supercharged beast in full lust armor. I could only do one thing. I had to disintegrate from Rebecca’s space and deal with beast by myself alongside robot. Rebecca’s hand on my dick made it difficult to focus on leaving, but when she took it away for a moment to use both hands to pull me in closer, I used that small reprieve to vanish from her grasp.
In my reality, I put hands to my head and used robot to create a new cage around the raging beast. Chains bound him down to the ground, and a gag filled his mouth. This time, and because I was upset at his rebellion, I blocked his eyes and ears with plugs before leaving him to cool down.
break
I came back the next day and created a form right away in Rebecca’s bedroom. She wasn’t there, but I had no time to look for her the slow way. I clasped my hands together and took them apart to phase her into the space between them. She looked understandably surprised, but that shifted away when she met my eyes. Before she got the wrong idea, I threw her onto the bed and had four loops of twine snake to bind her down to it.
“You can do it, Jack,” she said. “That’s what I’m here for after all, isn’t it? You don’t want to expand an effort to accomplish getting laid in the real world, so you create yourself a woman in your mind that could do all that you want. All your brutal desires can be realized in this place, your most deviant pleasures, and secret kinks. I can be this-”
“SHUT UP!” I shouted. Her eyes went wide for a moment, but a broken sort of smile appeared on her lips next.
“Yes, master,” she said. “If I speak, you should punish me. Make me twist in pleasure and give no access to the peak. I’m up for it, if that’s your thing.” My hand formed a fist in anger of her words.
“STOP IT!” I shouted and pulled her vocal chords out of her throat with a quick motion. There was no blood, and the pieces of flesh hovered above her for a moment before dancing off into the air of her room. Rebecca was stuck in a single distracting mindset that empowered beast. I was not about to leave her that way. He shook his new binds, even if he couldn’t hear or see what happened, he sensed something through the mental connection. I couldn’t risk her not hearing what I said, so I climbed on top of her and met her eyes. She still smiled that painfully lustful smile, but her eyes danced with the light of tears.
“Listen to me,” I said and pinched her hard on the cheek. She winced in pain, but made no sound. I hoped she would break away from this idea of only existing for my entertainment, but giving her a fully functioning system of pleasure distracted her. With a clap of my hands her limbs popped off her body and floated off like dough, leaving her torso and head, yet missing the opening below.
Understandably, her eyes freaked out as her arms floated away, no longer attached to her body. Her eyes were not on fire anymore, nor did her mouth smile the sad grin. I was finally able to talk to her with something getting through.
“You aren’t here to be my slave,” I said. “I never meant to exploit you for sexual means, but I thought having operating parts would give you some freedoms to enjoy yourself since I wouldn’t be around very often. I do NOT want you to be like this with me. I did NOT create you to satisfy beast. For the most part, I wish I could write him out of existence, but he handles passion as well as primal needs. He is anger to the point of rage, with a touch of murderous intent and forcefulness. That’s why I keep him locked away and want it this way. You acting as if you were only created for sex riled him up, and so I need you to understand that we will not go there. Ever. Nod if you understand.” Rebecca nodded slowly, and I traced her sight to find her legs and arms cooperating above to touch herself. She still had control over them and was fighting to make me mad. beast shook at the mental image, but I grounded the limbs and distanced them to the four corners of the room, splitting the legs apart at last.
“I need you for something else, Rebecca,” I said. “I made you for a selfish reason, but not for this. I wish things could just go back to the way they were before I saw you and Jorge in the bathroom. I could turn your time back, shift your mind back to that moment, and erase all this insanity, but I’d never forget it. I’d feel those things you did and beast would get us there again. It would also feel like cheating, to be honest. I already run away from reality and all that it asks of me. This struggle that I created myself, I need to face.” I met her eyes again and saw tears form. Her vocal cords still danced above us as if they were a pair on a ballroom dance floor.
“I think I need some distance from you, Rebecca,” I said. “I’ll keep reading Finnelgamin and enter it into the book you have, but we will not meet for a while. While I’m away, think about what you are without me, because you are a lot more than what I am.” I undid her twine and had her reassemble back together. The last were her dancing vocal chords, but before they reconnected into her throat, I disintegrated from her room.
break
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