Chapter 31 - Drawn Together
I came back the next day to check in with them, maybe give drawing Lila another try. I wished for their happiness above all, and my presence could only cause some sort of trouble. It would not be long before Kara took Lila and Tarne away from this place, but I dreaded that moment. Back when Lila was just a prisoner to the denizens of the Infinity Void, her presence was assured for years to come. I actually thought I would watch Tarne grow, or grow up as Lila’s daughter over years she would remain in untethered space. That felt distant now.
When I entered the library, Lila sat on the stairs to the second floor alone. She looked like she was waiting for someone. I almost expected to find Lila and Kara in bed, enjoying their relationship, but Kara was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Tarne.
“Hey, Lila,” I said, walking up to her. She did not look up to meet my eyes. “I’m glad Kara told you how she felt.”
“I’m glad, too,” she said. I wanted to ask her why she looked so sad if that was true, but did not have to wait long. “She told me what Valentine’s Day was, and I knew you were alone for it. I’m sorry we ignored you. I do love you, Jack. I loved you when you were Tarne, and I loved you pretty much from the first time we met in the darkness. You gave me something to entertain me, and to educate me. This led to something I didn’t want to start with you.
“When I told you about my past, I did it out of overjoyed malice, at least at first. The values of life were gone to me, having killed so many to eradicate so few. I am in darkness for a reason, to reconstitute into some sort of being at the start of it all. I think… I think I was a void leech, too.”
“That’s not possible,” I said. “Void leeches are blank. Remember? We met one, and it copied me. Kara said that it caused some trouble in her past.”
“No, I think it is true after all,” Lila said. “I was blank, and now just a copy of the real me. How else would I end up here?”
“Kara put you here,” I argued. “That’s… what she said.”
“It’s the prior,” she said. “Nobody goes there for holding. Even if the order put me here, it was a way to get rid of me.”
“Don’t think like that,” I said. “What brought this on? What changed from yesterday and that happy day in the garden? Lila?” She still looked away. Why would her thinking change so much? Unless… Did Kara say something to her?
“Did Kara say something to you to make you think that way?” I asked. “She’s such a meddling woman, even at her age. I’ll give her some grief for making you upset. Where is she? Upstairs?” A brief chuckle melted my anger in an instant, but when Lila looked up, her face was full of tears.
“I think I’m having an identity crisis, Jack,” she said. I did not give it a second thought, only rushed to hold her. My arms wrapped around her, while hers remained at her sides. “I don’t know who I am, and what I can offer Tarne. She’s so precious to me, and I just feel undeserving of this happiness. I’ve done so much bad. I have to be a copy of the real me. I don’t want to think how many children like Tarne ended up dying in my culling.” I put a hand up and knocked her head gently with my knuckles.
“Silly girl,” I said. “It’s what you do from now on that counts, and the fact that it hurts. It won’t stop hurting, but that also means you’re alive. I’m glad that interacting with me brought about that change in you. It changed me, too. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without all three of you. I’d probably be dead for one thing, or stressing about some little things in my life. I love you, too, Lila, but there is another that loves you even more.”
I remained in this embrace until she reached out to hold me as well. I wished I could feel her like when I was Tarne. That bit of connection to a being close to her somehow worked to remind me of the warmth I once felt as a child, the cradling comfort and warmth of a mother. I missed it a lot.
“I’ve been drawing lately,” I said, after a few minutes of crying at the device. “I want to draw you, while you’re still here. I want to remember you, as you are, and have a physical representation. Thing is, I’m not very good, so it might be an approximation of what you really look like. What do you think?”
“Gonna draw me, too?” Asked a voice from above. Kara descended the staircase. “I mean, it’s only fair.”
“I can try,” I said. “No promises on quality.”
“You ok, Lils?” Kara asked, prying her off me gently at first, then just pulling. Lila let go, and looked at me with a smile.
“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” she said. “Should I pose nude?”
“What?!” I asked, met with Kara’s exact expression and exclamation. I met Kara’s eyes and she stared at me down like I was the one who suggested it.
“Naked,” Lila said. “Should I pose naked? You could save it and use it at a later time for some masturbation.” I met her eyes, finding not even a hint of shame in what she just suggested. It was Lila alright.
“That… won’t be necessary,” I said. “Besides, I don’t really know how to draw the bare human body, let alone female, or even your type of human body. I want to draw your face to remember it.”
“You should draw Rebecca as well,” Lila suggested. “Or at least what you remember of her from the videos on the laptop.”
“I was thinking that, too,” I said. “But I feel like drawing her would be harder seeing as I haven’t seen her in person for years now. So I’d like to start with you, but not tonight. I have work in the morning. I’ll try to get back on in the evening to at least sketch the base down. Ok?” Lila nodded.
“Now, scoot,” Kara said. “Tarne is finally down, so I need Lila all to myself for the next hour or two. No interruptions or spying, got that?” I looked between the two of them, and secretly wished I could watch, but nodded.
#Or you could watch in ghost form,# Lila thought right into my head. #It’s entirely your choice.# She winked while walking away holding onto Kara’s hand. I hesitated there for a moment, then faded to ghost form. I held there a moment, trying to imagine what Kara would do if she found out I watched her have sex with Lila for personal gain, and equated it to possibly as much trouble I would be in if she ever found out I suckled on her nipple while being Tarne once. With that shudder, I faded from the library entirely.
break
“So what do you think?” I asked, after drawing Lila sitting on the couch from the desk. I would get up a few times to get closer for more detail, the little scar by the right ear was barely visible beneath the hair parted behind said ear. The eyes looked shocked, and I did not nail the semi-profile I was going for, but I was happy to see her on paper rather than just in my mind. “I know it’s not perfect, but I gave it my best for the first try.”
“I think it’s great,” Lila said, but it felt a bit insincere. “No, really, I like it. It’s not realism, but I like it anyway. Thank you for drawing me, Jack.”
“I want to get better at it,” I said.
“Then draw me next,” Kara said, from the top stair of the second floor. She then tried to slide the railing, which I knew would not have it, only to promptly fall over the side. Both me and Lila motioned out hands to catch her before she hit the ground. I had no idea what she was thinking, trying to do such a young move at her age. Maybe love invigorated her a bit.
“What do you think, Kara?” I asked, floating the drawn picture over to her face. She grabbed the paper and inspected it for a moment.
“Hmm,” she said. “Well, it’s a start. Lils is much prettier than this. Now it’s my turn. Come on, bud, draw me.” I withdrew the picture back to my hand, and looked it over. I was glad there was a physical representation of Lila now, but it lacked the detail I saw. I sighed.
“I’m done drawing for tonight,” I said. “Maybe tomorrow. Sorry, Kara. I don’t usually draw, so even a simple portrait takes a lot of energy.”
“Weak,” she said. “But fine. Let’s try tomorrow.”
“For now, I’d love to know a bit about what happened to you through the years,” I said. “I mean, not years. What happened to James Denizen? And what about your son and daughter? Did you ever find the old man in the Infinity Void? Oh, and Akier Vil Moredo, did you finally beat him?” Kara sat beside Lila on the couch and tapped her thigh. At the sound, Lila changed her position to lay her head in Kara’s lap. As Kara stroked her hand through Lila’s hair, she closed her eyes to remember.
“Johnny got lost in the Infinity Void more than a couple times,” she said, after a brief pause. “He wanted to be like mom and dad so badly, and it wasn’t like we hid our devices around the house. That took both James and me all over, looking for Johnny. We even had to go to the Rahin for help tracking him down. Never had that sort of trouble with Danielle. She just wanted a regular life.
“Wouldn’t you know it, the Rahin folks and the Nth Goni don’t like each other very much. They both live in the Infinity Void and have their use, but while Goni live in a bubble outside the presence of the void, the Rahin swim in the void. To them, the name Infinity Void is absurd, and they do point it out every so often, but they did help James and I find Johnny the first few times.
“I did find my old man, and I won’t spoil anything for you on that. He’s… important, to more than me. I guess you could say, he’s like Father Time, but more about those infinite things that standard folks can’t comprehend. It’s hard to explain, but yes, I did find the old man. Akier Vil Moredo on the other hand, is more elusive. Or maybe he was. Time is weird when you’re going between worlds all running with their own aspect of progression. Even now, you perceive time because you are subjected to it in your world, but Lila, Tarne, and I are in another such place that feels no progression, and yet, Lila has been counting years in her head since I put her here. Basically, time is what you perceive it to be.”
“So where is James now?” I asked. “Is he still doing some cool stuff out in the worlds?”
“No, James Denizen is dead,” Kara replied. I felt sadness drop me. I was hoping to see him again on better terms. “At least, I think he is. The one I was living with died, but that’s the thing about time variations in the void. I know where I lived with him, and he can sometimes stop by, younger than me, even though he already passed away. After the first few times, I understood that he’s dissociated himself into the void far too much. What I knew of him was the end bit. The parts of him that stopped by, whether he was hungry or excited, were not the ones I needed to interact with.” I felt like the idea was similar to Time-Traveler’s Wife story, but it was unlikely that Kara knew what that was.
“Or could it be that you fell in love with another,” I suggested. “And since he passed away, what you had with James Denizen departed with him.” Kara looked down to meet Lila’s eyes.
“Maybe,” she said. “All I know is that young James was crazy horny.” I smiled.
“Oh, really?” Lila asked. “Chance for a threesome?”
“Oh, those days are behind me, Lils,” Kara said, after a chuckle.
“That means maybe,” Lila said, then shot up to a sitting position. “We could always get Jack involved. Right?” I realized Lila was asking me, but I froze.
“Oh, no,” Kara replied. “I do not want him seeing me naked. He’d go off and think of me sometimes when going solo.” Lila smiled devilishly.
“What makes you think he hasn’t already?” She asked. I furrowed my brows at her. She only shrugged gingerly and sprawled out on Kara’s lap again.
“I— I might have,” I confessed. “But it was most likely when you and James were getting it on. You’re right, he was very... voracious.” Kara pressed Lila’s head down toward herself for a moment with eyes closed. I watched for a moment as Lila turned on the couch to face down instead, then started undoing Kara’s jeans. I met Kara’s eyes for a moment, and could tell she was embarrassed, so I nodded once and waved. Her mouth opened wider with a low gasp as I de-materialized from the library. It was a shame about James Denizen, but I did not expect him to be as endless as Kara and her clones. I smiled and left the matter for another day.
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