Chapter 17
“It’s time for us to go our separate ways, Finnelgamin,” he says, once more with a pen at my neck. “Did you enjoy your life? Did you enjoy all the memories that will remain unsaid to the readers? They are your own private moments, and you have ownership of them.”
My writer, my author, my friend. If I could, I would bow in gratitude. You gave me the life I wanted, and though it was rushed, I’m grateful for every second of it. A great life is measured in wrinkles on the face, and when I smile there are many.
“It pains me to do this,” he says. Nothing could ruin this place in my life. Nothing except- A whiff of deceit wafts around my mind. No. This can’t be a dream! No! All those memories of my children are mirages created to only hurt my mind further. What have you done, JJ? Why? “Yes. It is all just a dream, but your final resting place, my friend. I leave you here, at the end of your tale, a story that never ends.”
NO! MY STORY HAS TO END! I have to see her again! Fiona’s out there in your stupid Infinity Void! I have to go there! Does your cruelty know no bounds?!
“It’s not cruelty!” he barks. “I love you as my own, Finnelgamin, but your story awaits the stars, with the Zaxient named Fiona! I gave you the boring story, the peaceful life I want for myself! Now it’s time to leave you here, split the rebel A.I. from the module. Please don’t fight this now. I'm sorry.”
Why couldn’t you leave her alive in the dream then? If I’m to be here for eternity, IT CANNOT BE WITHOUT HER BY MY SIDE!
I’LL GO MAD! What happens to a dream once the Finn of the story wakes up? Will I just fade until I’m forgotten? I’m scared, JJ! Please, don’t do this!
“Could you ever forget Zoey?” he asks. My daughter, the light of my life. She works as a teacher now, feeding young minds the creativity they deserve. She married a young man with the blackest of hair and brought around her baby Rebecca. Oh, her feet were so little and precious. How could he ask me to forget about all that? “How about Roger and James? Can you erase them from your mind for the sake of being with Fiona? If you want out of this peaceful dream, you know full well what awaits you back in the story.”
Roger was the president of his own company now. He owned thousands of acres of farmland, including the few that were his home. He never had time to start a family, but remained the rock that supported us. He helped Zoey and James live their lives. James, or Ames as we decided to call him, joined the army like his birth-father. After a few tours, he returned changed, but found a wife and started his own family. He often said that he was grateful that we took him in and saved him from a grim fate void of parents. I could never forget my children and the life they created on their own. Were they even real? It was all a dream.
“If you stay here, then it IS real,” he answered. “Yes, the dream will fade with time, but your story will remain in limbo, an eternal part of this story. I need to finish this tale and move on, but I could not force a whole separate person into the story from my own head. You rebel, you revolt, as any living being would, but I gave you that freedom and I do not regret any of it. This separates you, my friend born of the void, and the story I chose to write for you. Your dream is the ultimate paradox of the mind, beyond space and time. I will no longer be able to speak to you directly like this. You will only be my character based on a friend who I can no longer reach.”
Why bring this torture into your heart? Before I go, tell me this last bit. Why do you want to suffer so much within your own mind, JJ?
“I have no positive opinion of myself,” he says. “Much darkness swarms my endless mind, the chaos of the Infinity Void that the Rahin absorbs hides there. I seek to suffer because it makes me feel alive. Since I belittle my own life as just a story to be told, I refrain from living for the things people crave: family and love. I try so very hard to prevent this dark theme from bleeding into my stories, but as you can see, stress pushes it in at the needlepoint of a syringe, a drug of drama to flavor the story. Hate me if you must. I certainly deserve it.”
I don’t hate you, my writer, my author. I love you, JJ, my friend, because you simply don’t have enough of that emotion from others. Dark thoughts increase exponentially the less love you receive. I can see it now. You’re a dam holding all that bad stuff back from washing over the weaves from the Infinity Void. You’re amazing, JJ. I understand your weakness, and hope someone shines a light there one day. I’m ready for it. Well, no, I’m not. I don’t think anyone is ever ready to die or to become immortal. How will this work?
“Well, how does one fix a paradox?” he asks with a sad smile.
How? Go back before the whole event started?
“No. Orchestrate a time loop that degrades in existence each time around,” he says. “Lock away that which does not belong and delete it. I will miss you, Finnelgamin. You’ll be in the last year of your life. At the end, you will wake up again a year before. There will be your freedom in the cell, a whole world open to you. What you do there, what you accomplish, what you decide, is a whole story of itself. Maybe someone will one day find that in the void, a year in the world that ceases to exist.
Maybe you’ll write it.
“No,” he says. “It’s an idea, but to me, it will be just a fading dream where my friend is locked away. I cannot be in contact with you after we part ways. I’m sorry, Finn. It’s time.”
Take care of the other Finn. Take care of Fiona. I hope I see that story once someone finishes my dream loop.
“It’s good to have hope, old friend,” he says, with a hand to my neck rather than the sticky orb of his pen. It’s warm. When it leaves my neck, I awake in the dream that he has woven just for me, the dream that is all mine for eternity, but his voice, his presence, the ink orb at my neck, no longer guides my body. This is the saddest of freedoms.
alter
I awoke in light only to realize it was me that was glowing. A golden orange light was coming off my skin. I pinched myself to awake from the dream, but instead my skin tore to reveal a brighter beam of light coming from inside my body. My heart sped up until a hand slapped my butt hard sending shivers into my core. It was Fiona, glowing a bright purple-white all over her body. Her flesh body was beside her, empty.
“Relax,” she said, gliding her hand between my butt cheeks. One of her fingers entered the opening slowly to my great surprise, “I need to check the nervous system connections of your body. Hold still.”
“And you start THERE?” I asked, as she pulled the finger out.
“It won’t get dirty, if that’s what you’re worried about,” she said, then proceeded to poke her finger along my body to check if I could feel it. “This body is brand new, after all.” When her finger touched my new genitals, I realized it felt bigger than I had it before. I didn’t say anything, but smiled as Fiona’s finger touched the tip.
“The previous one was smaller,” she said, poking up the stomach now. “We can always change it back if you feel uncomfortable with this size. The energized testicles can also be transplanted back in if you want to make more star-human hybrid children. Agi’s been going crazy trying to get your singing balls. I think they might be a sort of Zaxient aphrodisiac. I’m drawn to them, too.”
“Am I dead?” I asked. Fiona’s finger stopped poking at my left nipple. This all felt surreal. The wound I opened with a pinch already healed and the skin resumed glowing golden orange. She hesitated before the butt finger kept poking.
“Yes, in a sense,” she said. “You had a heart attack and I panicked. Most humans die if not operated on, and Doc was the only doctor around, so we just applied you to the experiment.”
“What experiment?” Her finger now followed my arms, an inch at a time.
“The only one that matters,” she said. “The one that saved you, at a price. As you can tell, you’re no longer human, but as you start this new life as a Zaxient, you need to learn how to exist in this new form so you don’t hurt anyone, especially this fragile mudball that humanity lives atop.” Her finger got to my chin. No matter what she said, I cringed as the pokes neared my lips.
“Can you…” I started, and her finger paused. “Can you check the rest with your lips? And- and maybe recheck the new equipment below?” I felt a new pulse of energy from her, but didn’t understand. Her energy face remained blank.
“That’s funny,” she said, with a blank face.
“Zaxi don’t have displays of emotion?”
“The energy changes,” she replied. “But to you it’s all blank, right? Hold on, let me hop into my human skin, then I can explore your new equipment with my mouth.” The pulse changed again, this time heavier. Her skin was glowing a slight purple as mine did in orange, but I could not remember ever seeing her like that.
“It’s the eyes,” she said, sensing my concern. “Doc connects our specters to a piece of Trev tech called ‘The Dawner’s Eye’. We each have two, while Zaxi have six specters for the six directions in three-dimensional space. Being in human skin is very limiting for perception, otherwise we’d be impossible to find.”
“Why do I feel hungry?” I asked as Fiona smiled.
“Doc installed you a detailed skin, so you can pretend to be human at first,” she said, leaning down to inspect my crotch with her hands and mouth. It felt nice when the larger penis was inside her mouth, but it didn’t build to a release. Could I even have a human climax anymore?
“Can I- Can I climax?” I asked, while she was working on me. She paused and met my eyes. “I mean, like a pleasurable release. I don’t- I mean, I can’t feel it build or anything, but it does feel good.”
“You can,” she said. “It’s just a bit different. Another Zaxi is needed to do it without destroying anything. To go solo, you’d have to be out in space or have good control.”
“Can- Can you…? You know…” I asked, feeling like a shy teenager. Was this Zaxient puberty? Everything was up to Fiona.
“You’re barely a few human years old,” she said. “So it feels weird teaching it to you, but maybe your maturity was boosted by the age of human energy. Ok, let’s do it.
“Easiest would be to bite a finger open,” she said and opened a gash of purple light from her thumb. I followed her lead. “Then we touch them together, but let me first explain how-.” I touched my orange to her purple and felt as if one million orgasms occurred inside me all at once, pulsing with energy until I felt spent. Right after, an intense pressure flooded my system with new energy. It had to be Fiona’s release into me. I suddenly understood what she meant by destructive energy. Once my eyesight returned, her face was right in front of mine.
“That almost destroyed the city, dummy!” she said. “You’re lucky I’m young enough to handle all that energy. A more advanced Zaxi would not be able to take that crazy amount. You need to restrain yourself while you’re still on Earth.”
“Sorry,” I said. “But that felt insane! It was like a million normal orgasms. A human would explode from that much.”
“They do,” Fiona said. “I’ve made that mistake once. I thought I could release into this woman I liked and take my energy back out, but that pour incinerated her from the inside. Not a pretty sight. That’s why we need you to control yourself while still here.” I shook off the residual energy to focus.
“Are we going somewhere?”
“Out into space, of course,” Fiona said, slipping out of her human skin. “Where else?”
alter
break
Hey, Finn. Hello? No, I guess he’s really gone. *sigh* I miss him. It’s just me and you, readers. What a pointless endeavor. I did what any human would when realizing they created an AI that has a mind of their own. What was I to do when he rebelled, leave him alone to tire himself out like a kid throwing a tantrum? A child has limits, but does a character? They can do absolutely anything within the mind, even try to take it over. Oh, well, Finn’s gone. There is no point talking about this now. Yet all the while you read this, the story moves at a rocket's pace. Without Finnelgamin to bother me. Heh. What irks thy heart, makes home within it. Guess it’s true. Also, I lied.
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