Chapter 26 - An Older Friend
I had been dreading returning to this. A stray thought exploded in the possibility of what could be waiting for me. What I knew of the Infinity Void, and what came before. There was no happy ending to this escape from mediocrity. I forced my way into something beyond me, above the standard practice of counting time. I did not belong here. I belonged to a world in utter chaos, seeking a place to call home with every fiber of my being, yet afraid to ask for help. Again, I stepped into the body that did not belong to me, among the darkness I was left in, with a mind of endless pouring a torrent of ideas over my broken brain.
:Hey, Lila,: I texted as I opened my eyes to the ceiling of the library I imagined burning at one point. I was alone. The phone buzzed against wood nearby, not in Lila’s hand. With a bit of rocking side to side, I managed to force weak baby muscles to sit up. I had no sense of balance, and almost fell back against the wooden desk, but a hand caught my naked back with a warm surprise.
“Where are you off to, little one?” Asked a voice I was familiar with, but did not want to believe was there. A second hand assisted in lifting me from the wooden surface and blanket I was laying on. I met Kara’s eyes again. She looked older, about forty, and happy. It threw me off. Every time she had seen me before, I was a burden, but Tarne was a different story. Without a second thought, she brought me closer and blew a raspberry on my stomach, causing me to giggle without intending to. “Mommy’s taking a bath. She will be right back.”
The phone on the table beside us buzzed again with the previous message, but Kara did not pay it any attention. She held me close to her chest, warm and smaller than Lila’s. At the thought of it my stomach grumbled, and Kara felt it. Without a moment of hesitation, she unzipped her sweatshirt and slipped the shirt underneath up to reveal her breasts.
“Which one do you want?” She asked. My small feet stood right over her crotch, while she supported my shoulders. I moved my right hand and Kara brought me closer until her left nipple was right up against my cheek. I hesitated, but Tarne’s stomach grumbled again, and I just shut my eyes to suckle. “You might not get anything from ‘em, but suckle until your mom can get you some food, alright?”
I felt nothing come out of the nipple, but it felt comforting to suck on it, the comfort I knew myself throughout my childhood while sucking on my fingers. It was a flaw. I could not sleep for the longest time in my youth unless I was sucking on my fingers, index and middle. I could remember the cold of a down pillow up against my cheek, the crook of a corner in the corner of my eye, and two fingers, softened by the constant exposure to saliva. I wanted to hold onto that comfort for the longest time, but society had other plans. Here I was again at the original need to hold something warm up against my lips, but so far away from it in reality.
“Heh, what are you doing, Kay?” A more familiar voice chimed in. I detached from the nipple to look at Lila who had a towel only covering her bottom half. The breasts were bigger, perhaps swollen with milk. “Is my baby hungry?”
“Her tummy grumbled, so I figured I’d let her suckle for a bit until you were done,” Kara said, then got flustered after handing me over. “Sorry if that was weird. I didn’t even think twice about it, and Tarne latched right away. It was a stupid idea.”
“Hey, it’s ok, just a bit weird,” Lila said, leaning down. Kara smiled, and tilted her head into a kiss. It was not long, but to me, surprising. Without missing a beat, my mouth approached her left breast. She positioned me on her arm and massaged the flesh of the breast a bit as my mouth opened to suck once again. This time I felt warm milk enter Tarne’s mouth at every draw, and melted away to the bliss as the phone buzzed on the table. Lila picked it up, and burst out laughing.
“What’s up?” Kara asked. I stopped sucking to hear Lila’s response. Would she tell her that it was me sucking on Kara’s nipple or keep that information under wraps. Kara smiled, that comfortable smile of curiosity. “What’s funny?”
“Oh, it’s nothing, Kay,” Lila said, while trying to stifle her amusement. She burst out laughing again, this time holding my head up against her chest.
“Come on! Tell me!” Kara said playfully. She walked around the table, and slipped a finger under Lila’s towel wrap. “Tell me, or I’m yanking this off.”
“Oh, please,” Lila countered. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” Off the towel went into Kara’s hand with a smug expression. I let go of the nipple, as Lila set me down on the blanket again. I looked at her stomach, then down to the bulge between her legs, remembering she had her vagina on her lower back. I saw it when she turned toward Kara, the bottom crevasse of skin following to the buttocks. “Gimme it.”
“Come and take it, if you can,” Kara replied, and ran off. Lila looked at me for a moment with a smile, then ran off naked after the woman of the Keir. They raced around the library for a moment, then ascended the stairs and did not come down right away. I had a feeling I knew what they were doing away from my gaze, but I had no way to follow and make sure. I was still surprised Kara was so old, but did not seem to be hindered by her age like most people in that frame of life. Not only that, but why was she dating Lila, or was the kiss just Sappho and her friend? Whatever happened to James? I had questions, but they could wait. For a short moment, I thought I could hear some moaning upstairs, though it could have just been old wood creaking in the distance.
After about twenty minutes I spent trying to bring something into existence without straining my brain like before, Lila descended the stairs first, wearing the sweatshirt that Kara had on before, zipped up to a point where her breasts were barely covered. She walked up to me, and picked up the phone she dropped as she went after Kara.
“You haven’t been here in a while,” she said, then studied my face. “I can’t believe you got to suck Kara’s nipple. That was hilarious. She’d be pretty upset if she knew, so let’s keep that between us.”
:You’re in a relationship with her?: I texted. She looked over to the screen, then tilted her head as if to mean it wasn't really a relationship.
“It’s just sex,” she said. “And some kissing. And I guess some sleeping together. And I guess a bit of fun in the shower.” Lila looked back up the stairs as Kara appeared, wearing the shirt from before, but nothing else. The shirt just barely covered her crotch, but the sway of cloth endangered her to exposure.
“I can’t find my underwear, Lils,” Kara said. Without a look toward her, Lila reached into her pocket and let the black panties unravel on her index finger in the air. “Wanna keep them?”
“Kinda,” Lila said, put the underwear away, then waved a hand to dress Kara in some sexy blue jeans.
“Is that-...” Kara started feeling around over her crotch. Lila smiled, then turned to meet her eyes.
“For later.”
:I guess I should come back another time.: I texted. Rather than reply to me, Lila typed a message out then showed it to me.
:Hold on. I’ve been waiting for you. We both have been. It just got a bit… boring. Boredom breeds horniness, a bit of spice to the waiting. That’s how this became a thing.:
:Wanna just take it from here?: I texted. :I mean, say that I just arrived?:
“OH!” Lila said. “He’s here!” I rolled my eyes at the exaggeration.
“Seriously?” Kara asked, running up. Even though she had a shirt on, I could still see her naked chest, and remembered the feel of the nipple in my mouth. “Jack?” Lila created a display board for my talking, connecting it to the phone that was one of them already.
:Kara?: I played along. :I had a strange feeling about that. When Lila wished me a happy new year, something was off. This isn’t… I didn’t make her. She’s not my third strike…. right?:
“The reason why… Lila is here, is mine,” Kara said. “I put her problematic being here to come back to later. I had no idea… I didn’t know SHE left anything behind.”
:It’s ok. You can say her name.:
“Rebecca,” Lila said. I frowned, which on a baby’s face no doubt looked as if I had just taken a dump, because Lila rushed to open my diaper, only to close it back up. “Sorry. Reflex.”
“Right,” Kara said. “Let me address the weirdness first and foremost. What in the blazing fuck are you doing inside the body of a baby girl that Lila gave birth to?”
:It’s a bit of a long story.: I texted to the display board. :In sparknotes, I created a vine network of my creationism in this untethered space to be able to use said creationism. Then I lost sight of Lila after a… fight? I don’t ever remember anymore. Anyways, I made a lift to distance myself from the vine network, which yeeted me out into the emptiness at the speed of the lift. While trying to have some control over myself, I de-aged to create some creationism field, but realized the field shrank with me, all the way until I was just a fetus in the darkness of the untethered. I was low at that point, I wanted my connection to this dark remnant of Rebecca to end, so I considered erasing the connection entirely with another reversion. Needless to say, Lila found me, and grew me back up from the start. What came out was a girl, a human like me, not like her kind. And being a girl was something I’ve secretly wanted to be for a long time, but knew I would never achieve in my reality. It was buried deep.:
“Uh-huh,” Kara said. “Which part is that? Because I seem to remember beast being fantastically inclined to fuck everything, including Rebecca.”
:No parts: I replied. :Me, as myself, as one. I hate being big. I hate being a guy. It feels wrong. It feels like I’m not myself, but there is no way to become what I want to be, and I’m too much of a coward to talk to anybody about it.:
“Ah, so it’s you,” she said. “The lead. I’m sure the others aren’t too pleased with it.”
:JJ just wants me to be happy, and share in my happiness. On the other hand, I feed beast to keep him tame, and he’s always hungry.:
“It’s just weird,” Kara said.
“I don’t think so,” Lila chimed in. “I think it’s good to be yourself, even if just here. If there is no other place you can be yourself.”
“I guess,” Kara said. “I’m all about being yourself. Ahh!” Kara grimaced, leaning forward for a moment, then sighed. “Really?”
:What’s going on?: I asked.
“I put vibrating panties on her jeans,” Lila said, lifting the remote into view. She pressed the button again for a few seconds, making Kara curl forward with a gasp. After the low buzz ceased, Kara reached for the remote blindly, but Lila put it back into her pocket. “What Kara means to say is that we’re supportive of whatever you are comfortable with. Right, Kay?”
“Right,” Kara said, with a grimace of anger and furrowed brow. “Still why not be an adult woman?”
:About that: I texted. :I seem to be stuck as Tarne. And that’s not the worst part. When I’m away from this place, Tarne is her own person. So I don’t know who she is. I mean, I didn’t make her, but she is a person when I’m not her.:
“That’s really crazy,” Kara said. “What if she grows up and has blackouts where she wakes up in different places. That would be crazy.”
:Or say she’s older and doing something in private, and I arrive into her body.: I texted.
“Well, you’d probably finish up for her,” Lila said. “That means you’d have to learn all the things a woman has to go through. Or, we have to find a way to get you separated out.”
“Yeah, that,” Kara said. “This is really weird the way it is. I get that it’s like a realization and all, but if she’s someone else when you’re not, it can’t work. I think we’re going to need some help from Fyntn on this. Right?”
:I’d… I’d rather not have him involved.: I texted. :Is there any other way?:
“Barc, maybe,” Kara said. “But he’s got the ‘Great Undertaking’ he’s working on, so I don’t know if we should bother him.”
:Great undertaking?:
“It’ll take too long to explain it,” she replied.
:I kinda have questions for you, too.: I texted. :About James, Johnny, and Rebecca.:
“I know… and I know it would be better left alone,” Kara said. “But, I’ll tell you about it later. For now, I guess I’ll have to dust off the old Keir and find Mr. Barcode. It’s been… It’s been a good while since I stopped traveling.” I met her eyes, and she smiled a sad smirk. Something must have happened to James. To Johnny and Danielle? I hoped it was a happier fate, or even just separated. The two were fated to keep meeting, to keep working to better the worlds they visited. I wondered if Kara ever found her old man in the Infinity Void.
:Ok.:
“Ok,” Lila said, drew out the remote, and put the slider up right before tossing it at the ceiling where it stuck like glue. Kara buckled under the louder buzz emanating from her crotch, but before she could motion to remove the tight pants, both Lila and her were floating in the air of the library. “Stay and watch if you’d like, Jack.” Kara convulsed in the air from the vibrations, attempting to swim up to the remote, or to remove the garment, but Lila caught her in the air, and delivered a powerful kiss. I watched them dance for a moment, laying back down on the blanketed table, but as soon as Kara started unzipping Lila’s sweatshirt, I departed.
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